


The Trials of Love and Loss

by TheFantasticMiraculousSam



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Destroy Ending, Dreams and Nightmares, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Its only sort of a destroy ending, Mild Gore, Mordin Thane and Anderson are dead sorry, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Series, best ending, everyone if healing in their own ways
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-03-06 21:47:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13420302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFantasticMiraculousSam/pseuds/TheFantasticMiraculousSam
Summary: Garrus didn't sleep much during the long flight back to Earth, no one did.  Not after the horrors they had seen during the war. With the Citadel In ruin and Shepard missing, it's up to Garrus and the Normandy crew to fix what has been broken.(I swear I'm still working on this, I've just been swamped with work and school lately.  The next update is gonna be a BIG one!)





	1. The shape of you

**Author's Note:**

> My first Mass Effect Fanfic! I've played all three games (Plus a bit of Andromeda) and I feel like I've spent enough time with these characters to feel comfortable writing them. This is my ‘best possible ending’ fic, the Reapers are destroyed, all squadmates survive (Including Javik, EDI, and the geth), The Quarians made peace with the geth, genophage is cured (Wrex is in charge and Bakara lives). 
> 
> *Cries in spanish*
> 
>  
> 
> (The chapter title is a reference to the Ed Sheeran song Shape of You. I don't know why, but I just think of Garrus and Femshep every time I hear this song.)

-Normandy-

 

A familiar synthetic voice came over the com in Shepard’s cabin.  “Garrus” EDI said, so soft it was almost a whisper.  “Jeff assures me everything will be ‘Alright’, but I share your doubt…”  She paused for a moment.  “If only I wasn't a disembodied voice, if I had my body right now I'd be able to properly attempt to comfort you.”  

 

Garrus remained sitting on the floor crouched under Shepard’s desk.  He hadn't moved from the position since communications with earth were restored.  The news hit him like a bullet to the chest, the Reapers had been destroyed but the cost to do so was hefty; All the counsel world's were in ruin, entire colonies were decimated, most of the Citadel had been destroyed and the debris had crashed down on earth.  Worst of all, Shepard was on the Citadel when it fell, and now she was missing.  ‘Gone’ they had said, as if they weren't brave enough to say ‘Missing in action’.

 

“Garrus”  EDI said with more urgency.  “The crew needs you, I have been unable to get Liara to stop crying and Tali is still unresponsive.  Jeff’s doing his best to keep morale up, but he too is hurting.  Please Garrus.”

 

As numb as Garrus felt, EDI was right.  He needed to temporally push his feelings aside for the sake of the crew, Joker couldn't hold everything together forever.  “EDI”  He squeaked out, his voice was so hoarse he hardly recognized it.  “Tell Joker I'm coming down”  Garrus crawled out from underneath Shepard’s desk and stood up, the motion made him light headed and nauseous, he reached out and braced himself on her desk and it creaked under his weight.  A series of soft squeaks came from the small glass cage beside him. _Poor Hammie,_ Garrus thought.  He originally thought the animal was a ridiculous waste of credits, but over time the hamster had somehow wormed its way into everyone's hearts.  How the creature had even survived this long was beyond his understanding.  Garrus gently pushed himself away from the desk and finally stood unaided, his body felt heavy.  He slowly walked over to Shepard’s fish tank and placed a gloved hand on the glass, he breathed in deep and let out a long sigh, he straightened his back, and walked out.

 

The elevator ride down seemed longer than usual, not that the elevators had ever been fast on the Normandy.  It was the one problem with the ship that always seemed to be overlooked, after being completely destroyed, rebuilt, gutted and repurposed, you'd think someone would have done something to solve the problem.  Finally the door opened, the crew deck was nearly vacant, only Liara, Javik, and a few crewmen were present.  Liara was crying softly sitting hunched over with her head resting in her hands and Javik’s arms wrapped around her, Garrus hesitated for a moment.  It was such an odd sight, the Prothean had always seemed so cold, so militant, it almost felt wrong see him show so much empathy.

“Turian, I see you've come out of hiding”  Javik’s steely voice cut through the room's somber mood.  “The Joker Pilot said you were mourning, foolish, Just as I told _Liara,_ the Commander is alive and we will find her once we return.”  Javik put an emphasis on her name and hugged her a little tighter.

Garrus moved a bit closer to the pair and placed a hand on Liara’s shoulder.

“He’s right, we'll find her”  She looked up and met Garrus’ gaze, her eyes were bloodshot and glazed over, deep purple bags had formed under her eyes, a sure sign that sleep continued to evade her.  No one aboard the ship had slept much since they started their thirty-six hour flight back, Garrus couldn't close his eyes without seeing her; he kept reliving the assault, it was the first time he had outright told her he loved her, and the thought of it being the last time made his heart ache.  Garrus silently walked away from Liara and Javik, he needed to check on Tali, they both had been part of the ground team so they had taken the brunt of the damage, He managed to get out of the situation with some cuts, broken plates and bruises, but Tali suffered a suit puncture, after being lifted away in the Normandy she almost immediately fainted due to fever and infection.  Upon entering the medbay, Garrus’ senses were bombarded by the smell of antiseptic and the bright white light burned hurt his eyes.  

 

“Good to see you finally decided to leave the cabin” Doctor Chakwas stood over Tali’s unconscious form, Garrus couldn't help but to stare a moment. Chakwas glanced over to Tali and back to Garrus, she waved her hand at him and ushered him forward and he walked closer without protest.  “She’s going to be alright, I've already fixed her suit puncture and her fever has finally broken”  She grabbed his hand and put it on tali’s “Stay with her a moment, I need to grab something to eat and drink”  She patted him on the shoulder and left the room, Garrus sat down next to Tali and held her hand tightly.

“Hard to believe we've only known each other a few years… It feels like we've fighting the Reapers for forever, certainly longer than just only three years”  Garrus cleared his throat, Tali remained unconscious he wasn't even really sure why he was talking to her, she couldn't hear him.  

 

“Despite all the awful stuff we've been through, all the loss… I'm _happy_ to have came along, and I glad I've been able to experience all this with you and the others”  He closed his eyes tight, the sterile air made him feel sick, he couldn't shake the feeling that any moment something awful was going to happen.

 

“Gar-” Tali gently clasped her small fingers around Garrus’ hand and coughed hard.

 

“Tali!”  Garrus exclaimed, eyes shooting back open with newfound spirit, he spread his madables wide.  He couldn't help but to smile, it felt nice for something good to finally happen for a change, he felt a pang of guilt for his happiness.

 

“Wha… Re-reapers, did we… win?”  Tali coughed again and mumbled her words, she moved her head around taking in her surroundings.  “Where?”

 

“They're gone, or rather, dead.  And we're in the medbay back on the Normandy.”  Garrus cut her off.

 

“Where’s… Shepard?”  Tali’s voice faltered for a moment, and she moved to look at him.  He closed his eyes and let silence fill the room, part of him wanted desperately to have hope, to believe that she was alive, but the more logical side of him screamed out the impossibility of her situation.  He didn't want to think about it.  He almost felt embarrassed when his subharmonics gave off pained sounds, not that Tali could hear them of course.  The only thing he could be certain of now was that they'd find her, whether or not she would be alive when they'd find her was a whole other matter entirely, one that he rather not have to consider.

 

“Garrus, is she?”  Tali’s voice finally broke, he didn't have an answer for her.  He only opened his eyes and looked at her.

 

They sat in a shared silence for a few minutes, Doctor Chakwas returned pleased to see that Tali was awake, and reassured Tali that Shepard was going to be found, that she'd be alive and everything was going to be alright.  Chakwas’ attitude was uncharacteristically hopeful, the Doctor had always resigned herself to being rational and conservative.  

 

Garrus removed himself from the medbay and walked into the elevator and up to the CIC.  The mood wasn't as somber as the crew deck had been no tears or gentle embraces only crewmen scurrying about and doing their jobs, everyone seemed to be keeping themselves busy.  Garrus walked up into the cockpit and sat down in the co-pilot’s seat, the one EDI usually occupied.  He couldn't bring himself to look up at Joker.

 

“So we beat the Reapers huh?  Sorta doesn't feel real right?”  Joker’s normally snarky, lighthearted voice was replaced with an emotion Garrus couldn't quite describe.  Joker cleared his throat.  “I'm glad you came out of your hole… I uh, _we_ all really need each other, and uh… friends to talk to about…”  he trailed off, unwilling to continue his train of thought.

 

“Jeff, our new arrival time is estimated to be about three hours until we reach Earth.  Also, Tali is awake and expected to make a full recovery.”  EDI’s voice came as a welcomed change to the stale quiet air, Joker let out what sounded like a sigh of relief.

 

“Thanks EDI, you doing alright?”  Joker's voice was thick with concern.  

 

“I'm-” EDI paused a few seconds, as if she was thinking carefully about what to say next.  “I'm functioning at full capacity”  Her voice had a odd noncommittal tone that peaked Garrus’ interest, had EDI mastered the subtlety of how organics dodge emotionally engaging questions?  Garrus’ train of thought was disrupted by Joker giving off a long and frustrated sigh.

 

“You okay Joker?”  Garrus couldn't think of anything else to say.  Not completely sure what the human protocols for grief were, he thought small talk would be his best bet, after all, that would give Joker the opportunity to deflect with his famous; or infamous, brand of humor.

 

“The mute speaks!  See that EDI I’m a goddamn miracle worker today… call me the next _messiah_! The next great wonder I will perform today will be getting us to earth in less than three hours, because that's waaay too long for me to just be thinking about shit…”  Joker started off with his signature sarcastic tones but it quickly faded to a seriousness Garrus hadn't heard from the pilot  before.   

 

“That bad huh?”  he was tempted to say more but he still felt wary of the pilot's strangely dark mood.

 

“Is it that obvious?”  Joker let go of his snark, Startled, Garrus looked up at him and saw a tight frown on joker's face, along with dark bags under his eyes.  He looked like he was ready to break down any minute, it was terrifying seeing the once eternally jovial pilot wear such a depressed looking expression.  “Sorry Garrus, I'm just… a little tired, it's not easy keeping everyone from  freaking out all the time… it feels like everyone's either acting like nothing’s happened or… or they're letting the reality of what's happened eat them alive”  Joker sighed again, it was the first time he had heard Joker express any level of emotional insecurity or fear.  It caught him off guard.  “I-I’m gonna miss her if she's really… gone.  She was like a weird, slightly more bossy version of my sister Hilary”  Garrus continued to listen quietly.  “I'm fairly certain Hilary and my dad got killed on Tiptree, the colony they lived on...”  Joker bit his bottom lip and sniffled. _‘letting the reality of what's happened eat them alive’_ Joker's words rang through his mind like a painful mantra.  

 

“Everything's so fucked”  Vega chimed in from behind them, Garrus turned to the soldier slowly, Vega held out a dextro beer in one hand and two levo ones in the other.  Garrus silently accepted the alcohol, he immediately popped the top off and took a sip, the drink had no taste.  Vega moved over to Joker and held one the glistening beers up and pressed it to Joker's cheek.

 

“God you have no idea how much I want that right now-”  Joker started.

 

“Take it Jeff, I can man the controls while you are decompressing”  EDI cut him off before he could finish.  After a moment of hesitation, Joker let go of the controls and grabbed the beer and took a long sip.  Joker's face scrunched up in disgust as he swallowed.

 

“Ughh, seriously James, Pacífico?  This is actual piss water”  Joker said, and took another sip.

 

“It's the only cerveza I had, stored it away in a little nook down in engineering.  Figured Shepard wouldn't be too pleased about having a bunch of alcohol aboard… We got plenty of the dextro shit though”  Much like the rest of the squad, Vega too was missing his usual upbeat attitude.  Garrus took another sip and leaned back, it wasn't exactly an ideal time to be drinking, but too much had happened, it felt like it was beginning to pile up.  Normally he'd just talk to Shepard if something was bothering him, sit together up in the observation deck or her cabin and just talk like everything was normal and okay.  He couldn't pretend that it was okay, not this time.

 

“I think It's finally starting to hit me” Vega continued.  “That we won, that Shepard’s probably gone”  Vega choked out a subdued sob and slumped down onto the floor.

 

“Jesus James, how many of these have you had?”  Joker nearly jumped out of his chair but winced at the pain of the sudden movement.  Vega just held up a hand and held the other to his face.  The three sat and drank with just the background noise of the Normandy’s crew to listen to.  Garrus finished his beer and closed his eyes, the world around him faded into a black and quiet emptiness.

 

-Earth-

 

“I'll find you, and you'll be alive, you have to be”  Wrex mumbled to himself, he had already been out with the search team for several hours with no sign of Shepard.  His subordinates were beginning to give him worried looks, he knew he couldn't keep this up forever, but he had to try.  Shepard had done much for him, she had given him so much.  She had given him a chance to be something more than a mercenary, found him his family armor, gave him another chance on Virmire, the cure to the genophage, a friendship, a family and a home aboard the Normandy.  She had given him his life back, she stood by his side when he needed her most, chose the Krogan over Mordin’s life, he knew she was fond of the old Salarian.  He owed her an unimaginable debt, one that he could never repay to her.

“Wrex!”  one of his subordinates yelled from over the ridge “We found something!”  Wrex climbed over the fallen wreckage of the Citadel and down through a crevice almost too small for his hulking frame, and back into open air.  Two young Krogan warriors stood over a small burnt mass of melted armor, her armor.


	2. The End of All Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh people are actually reading this, I'm so happy! Thank you for staying around long enough to make it to chapter two. =D
> 
> (The song that inspired chapter two is The End of All Things by Panic at The Disco!)

-Earth-

  


Part of Wrex didn't want to believe it was her, this mangled, barely breathing body resting on it's side.  He knelt down and moved it so it was laying on it's back.  

 

 _Fuck_ , he thought.  

 

She was a mess, the entire left half of her body was burnt to a crisp and her left arm was just, missing.  Wrex cringed at the sight of her.

 

 _She’s been through worse,_ he quietly told himself.

 

He looked up to the two Krogan with him, their faces were both plastered with horrified expressions.  “What the hell are you two standing around for?!”  Wrex yelled, so loud the two whelps jumped back a little.  “Get me a tarp, or- oR SOMETHING!”  The two Krogan ran off in the direction they all came from and Wrex returned his attention to Shepard.  She was still breathing, yet again she had miraculously survived the impossible.  The war was over but her fight just seemed to continue, if she wasn't fighting rogue Spectres, Geth, or Reapers, she was fighting for her life.  He had seen her beaten down and bloody before, but not like this, not to this magnitude.  She was always so strong in the face of danger, she never let it show while in combat or in front of the crew, but within they're little group of friends she occasionally expressed her fears, there was softer side to Shepard, one that she rarely let anyone see.

 

“Shit Shepard…” Wrex Whispered.

 

He was never much for subtlety or compassion, at least not to the extent that she was, he’d always rather fight through his emotions rather than talk about them with anyone, even between his closest friends, he'd never truly felt compelled to share his feelings about anything, until now.  “Shep-”  

 

“We found a tarp!”  The two whelps returned through the crevice and back over to Wrex.  Expressing his feelings about everything could wait a little longer.  Wrex ripped the tarp from the whelps hands and gathered her up, cradled her in the tarp and lifted her up off the ground.  The space beneath her was caked with blood and melted armor.  She felt so small and frail in his arms, completely unrecognizable to the strong willed and bull-headed commander he served under.  He held Shepard like precious cargo, like she was the most important thing in the universe.  Wrex began to make his way back to the Alliance medical tents, everyone around him seemed to shuffle and move out of his way, as if they knew who he was holding.  The thick crowds of civilians began to give way to equally large groups of military personnel; ah, another one of her accomplishments, Shepard had united the races against the reaper threat, that in itself was beyond impressive.  What was more impressive was that the races somehow stayed united afterwards, soldiers from every race sitting and talking with each other, telling their stories and reminiscing about better times. They were all finally equal.  

 

Wrex’s subordinates quickly broke off from him and headed to talk with the other Krogan nearby, Wrex couldn’t have cared less, their job was done now.  Wrex finally arrived at the intensive care tent, and just as before, the occupants moved out of his way without question, some of the humans even took off their caps and held them to their chests.  Doctors and nurses scurried around him and prepared a table for her, he was hesitant to let them take her, but eventually gave in to them, they whisked her away and he was left alone and covered in her partially dried blood.

  


-Normandy-

  


Garrus woke up to the sound of her voice. “I’m serious Joker!  It had to have been the most awkward thing I’ve ever had to do!”  Shepard stood behind the pilot's chair, arms folded and standing in a defensive stance.  She was wearing her standard issue Alliance fatigues and had freshly cut hair.

 

“Oh come on Shepard, having two squad members confess to you is not something you should be complaining about!  No one’s even tried to get into my pants this whole tour, it's ridiculous!”  Joker retorted while turning his chair slightly to look at her, mid turn he caught Garrus staring.  “Garrus, it’s ridiculous right?”  Joker laughed and smiled wide, Shepard also turned her attention to him, feeling awkward he cleared his throat and spoke.

 

“Well Joker, have you considered that maybe all the women around are just too afraid of breaking you?”  Garrus felt himself laugh at his own answer.  Joker gasped and was visibly taken aback by his comment, clearly overdramatizing the whole situation.  

 

“Kaiden and Liara both confessed to me within two hours of each other”  Shepard chimed in, gently pinching the bridge of her small freckled nose.  Joker stifled a laugh and turned back to the Normany’s controls.

 

“Well that couldn’t have been easy to deal with,  did you accept either of their confessions?”  Garrus hadn’t even considered the possibility of romancing the commander, after all, he was perfectly happy just being there for her as a close friend.  

 

 _Wait, no, that’s wrong somehow_ , Garrus thought for a moment.

 

Something was definitely wrong about this situation, but he couldn’t quite think of what it could be.

 

“Ugh no, I can’t see myself ever being with either of them, they’re just friends” Shepard said with a hint of annoyance.  Garrus felt a sharp pain in his chest, he looked down and grabbed the collar of his C-sec armor, this was wrong, shouldn’t he be wearing heavy armor?  He was sure he had upgraded his armor after he left the Citadel? No, after… Omega.  

 

“What, got something against being with a friend?  I’m sure Garrus would be pretty thrilled to have you Commander!”  Joker laughed hard then fell silent, the whole bridge went completely quiet.

 

“This isn’t real”  Garrus whispered sorrowfully.  Shepard walked over to him and kneeled down in front of him.  She gently lifted his chin with her hand and cupped his mandible, she looked him in the eyes and smiled sweetly.

 

“What do you mean Garrus?”  She sounded just as kind as she normally did.

 

“This is just a dream, you’re not real, **this** isn’t real…”  Garrus pushed her hand away and looked down the hall in the direction of the CIC, but it was completely vacant.

 

“Well, is this atleast a happy dream?  Aren’t you glad to see me?”  Shepard stood up and moved to sit on his lap, he didn’t fight it.

 

“I am, don’t get me wrong, I just… I wish we could just go back to those earlier days, back when we were all still young and hopeful”  Garrus wrapped his arms around her small body and pulled her in close, he looked over to the pilot seat where dream Joker was sitting but he too had disappeared.  

 

“Hah!  Young?  Garrus we’ve never been young, we were born to be old soldiers”  She kissed the exposed flesh under his chin and he rested his head on top of her’s.  

 

“I miss you”  He lifted his hand to her head and stroked her short soft red hair.  “I feel lost without you, I suddenly don’t know how to function anymore, like i’m just going through the motions…”  He squeaked out, he felt like crying but the tears never came, the ship around them began to shake and fade to black.

 

“Shh, Garrus…Everything’s going to be alright, It’s not over yet, it can’t be.  There’s still so much work to be done… We still have to find someplace tropical to retire to”  She pushed him away gently and looked up at him.  

 

Her face was splattered with bright red blood.  “I love you Garrus Vakarian”

 

“Garrus!”  Another voice yelled.

 

He woke to Vega violently shaking him by the shoulders.  Vega had a huge stupid grin on his face and tears streaking his cheeks, Garrus blinked and looked around, Liara and Javik stood in the opening to the cockpit, Liara smiled softly and sniffled.  Her tears were different this time, they were happy.  Garrus slowly stood up and surveyed the room more, this time it was real.  Liara approached him and pulled him into a hug.

 

“They found her, she’s alive”

 

Garrus’ legs gave out, relief washed over him and every emotion he had been holding back suddenly came pouring out.  For the first time, in what felt like forever, Garrus allowed himself to cry.


	3. Hurts Like Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well damn, I seriously can't believe people are actually reading this, I'm totally in awe!
> 
> (The song that this chapter is Hurts Like Hell by Fleurie)

-Normandy-

 

There wasn't any time to celebrate Shepard’s survival, EDI informed them that they had only forty minutes till they would arrive on Earth, or according to Joker ‘twenty if you're brave enough’.  Everyone aboard seemed to move with new found spirit, a sudden and inexplicable arua of hope emanated from the crew, even EDI seemed to be getting back to her old self.  Garrus couldn't think straight, he ran to the medbay to give Tali the good news, when he arrived she was sitting up in her bed tinkering with her omni tool, she had already heard the news and was sending word back to the Flotilla.  Garrus couldn't stop fidgeting, he got up and started pacing the medbay to keep himself busy, eventually Chakwas threatened to tranquilize him if he didn't settle down or leave, so he left to go wait in the cargo bay with the others, all of them were eager to get back to their commander.  Vega eventually came stumbling through the elevator and laid down on his cot, he immediately passed out and started to snore.  Time passed excruciatingly slowly for Garrus, he counted every second of every minute until precisely thirty two minutes had passed.  

 

“We're finally back guys!”  Joker yelled over the ship’s intercom.  “And… wow, earth looks sort of like Tuchanka, probably not a good thing”

 

The Normandy landed amidst earth's rubble in a clearing almost too small for it, crowds of almost every race greeted them as the cargo bay door opened, they cheered and hollered their names with newfound hope.  Garrus could just barely pick out Jack and Miranda’s voices from the sea of people, Jack ran towards them with Miranda trailing close behind, he had never seen either of them so happy before.  When the they broke free from the edge of the crowd he noticed they were holding hands, Jack quickly let go in order to full force tackle hug Liara and Javik, Miranda walked over to him and extended her hand, which Garrus reciprocated.  

 

“Good to see you and Jack made it out alive”  Garrus said smiling.

 

“I honestly didn't think we would make it”  Miranda glanced over to Jack and the others, her face shifted to an unusually soft expression.  “A piece of the Citadel almost crushed Jack, but other than that we came out unscathed”

 

“Crushed?”  Garrus turned to face the others.

 

“I had to Warp a rather large piece of debris to prevent it falling on her…” Miranda’s voice trailed off and she too turned to watch the others rejoice.  Liara lightly kissed Jack’s forehead and ruffled her hair, Javik made a disgusted face and hesitantly offered to shake Jack’s hand, instead she took his hand and Liara’s and forced the two together.  Liara’s whole face went a deep shade of purple out of sheer embarrassment, Javik however, remained deadpan as usual, Jack let out a hearty laugh and turned to Garrus; there was a spark in her eyes, nothing mischievous or malicious, just full of hope.  Jack rushed over and hugged Garrus tight, when she pulled away a tear rolled down her cheek.  

 

“Thanks”  She said sheepishly, she quickly wiped away the lone tear and gently rubbed the back of her shaved head.

 

“For what?”  Garrus felt slightly unnerved by her sudden attitude change, sure she was definitely still just as loud and boisterous as usual, but there was a sense of calm he hadn't seen from her before.

 

“Fuck I don't know, for not being an asshole to me I guess, Just… Thanks”  Jack playfully punched his shoulder and began to walk down through the cargo bay's opening, she stopped and turned her attention back to the group.  “The fuck are you guys waiting for?  Come on!”  She smiled and ran off into the crowd, and much to his surprise, Miranda followed her with a similar enthusiasm.  They all followed behind the pair, making their way through rows of tents and groups of grateful civilians.  

 

 _Joker was right, earth does look like Tuchanka,_ Garrus thought.  Of course, the devastation wasn't centralized on earth, he briefly wondered what his own home world looked like, he hadn't seen it since the battle for Menae, he was certain the fires had at least been extinguished but other than that he had no idea.

 

The group made their way through crowds of thankful people, they shook hands and gave some hugs, on the way to the intensive care tent, people cheered and clapped as they passed.  Liara only blushed harder, Javik remained glued to her hip and still holding her hand, a faint smile found its way onto his normally stoic face.  Garrus couldn't help but to smile too, it was nice to see all his friends so happy, they had been fighting for survival for so long he had almost forgotten what normal life felt like.  Garrus recalled his last private conversation with Shepard, he offhandedly joked about having kids and she genuinely seemed interested in trying, when had their relationship escalated that far?  He wasn't really sure how any of it had actually happened, one minute she's his closest and most trusted friend, the next He was up in her cabin with a cheap bottle of champagne.  And somehow, after months of being apart, they both had stayed faithful and were willing to continue where they had left off, it was all overwhelming to think about.  He really had fallen in love with her.

 

After walking a significant distance they reached a role of medical tents, inside were cruel reminders of the hell they had just endured. People were lined up in rows on cots, soldiers and civilians alike, to make matters worse the tents were only equipped with what little had survived the war, Garrus wasn't sure how they were even managing the sheer amount of injured people inside.  A familiar Krogan stood In the distance at the end of the row of medical tents, Garrus breathed a sigh of relief,  it was good to see that Wrex had survived.  When they approached Wrex scratched the scar on his neck and waved with the other hand.

 

“Good to see my favorite aliens are still alive” Wrex said, he turned his gaze to Liara then to Javik and gestured towards them.  “I guess everyone's fucking now”  He beamed, and Liara ripped her hand away from Javik’s out of embarrassment.

 

“You shouldn't make assumptions like that Wrex!”  Liara spat out, Javik only looked away and chuckled.  Wrex gave Garrus a look of suspicion.

 

“Is she still in surgery?”  Miranda cleared her throat and stepped forward and Wrex shook his head in response.  Every shred of happiness fled Garrus’ heart, whatever had happened to her up on the Citadel must have been horrible, not to mention she came crashing down along with it’s debris, there was no telling how bad off she was.  For a moment he thought about his mother on her deathbed, she had passed only a month before war broke out, losing someone to illness felt different from losing them in battle, in battle they could be avenged, with an illness like his mother’s the only thing anyone could do was sit with her.  He couldn't go through watching someone die like that again.  Garrus swallowed hard.

 

 _No,_ Garrus thought.   _This is no time to be cowardly._

 

“Wrex, take me to her”  Garrus looked Wrex in the eyes and he responded by nodding, they moved to the intensive care tents opening, Garrus entered without hesitation and the others trailed close behind.  

 

Wrex guided them through the large tent and towards small closed off area then stopped abruptly, Wrex put his hand on Garrus’ shoulder and and gave him a worried look.  

 

“I found her only a few miles from here, she was in rough shape… just... be prepared”  Wrex let go of him and held open the area’s canvas door, Garrus stepped inside and the opening flapped down closed behind him, he heard Liara sniffle from behind the canvas wall along with a sad sound from another human woman, he couldn't tell which one.  The room’s walls were lined with all sorts of medical equipment and a few chairs were scattered about,  the room also seemed to house a single nurse; who seemed startled by his presence.

 

“I-”  His words got caught in his throat.  “I'm from the Normandy”  He finally choked out.

 

“Oh, you must be Garrus… That red Krogan said you'd be here to see her”  She eyed him nervously.  “I'll leave you alone with her for a few minutes, just be careful, okay?”  The nameless nurse shuffled out of the room and left him standing alone.  Shepard’s bed was surrounded by a thick grey curtain held up by metal rods, he walked over to the curtain and gripped the cloth, he couldn't breath.  He gently opened the curtain, It was just as bad as he thought it would be.  Her left side was almost completely covered in bandages, her left arm was missing from just below her shoulder and it looked like her left leg was gone too.  He grabbed a chair from the corner of the room and dragged it over to her bedside, he uncovered her right hand and gripped it tightly.

 

“I’m here Jane”  He whispered.


	4. I found (love)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a brief mention of rape, if you're sensitive to that sort of thing please skip to the part that says '-Normandy-', Its not a graphic description or anything I just wanted to make sure I gave everyone a heads up.
> 
> (The song that inspired this chapter is I Found by Amber Run)

\---------  
  


“Jane!”  A familiar masculine voice yelled.  Jane woke with a start and quickly sat up, the bright light hurt her eyes, she shielded them with her hand.

 

“I knew I'd find you sleeping here, you lazy bum”  As Jane’s eyes adjusted her brother came into view, he wore a old ratty tee shirt and jeans with holes on the knees.  The two of them looked similar in almost every aspect, both had curly red hair, green eyes, and highly freckled skin, the only way they differed was their height, when she had stopped getting taller he just seemed to keep growing.

 

“Hey Johnny-Boy”  Jane chuckled and laid back down onto the lush grass, John walked over and did the same.

 

“Mom’s so mad at you”  John removed a pilfered cigarette from his pants pocket, he lit it and held it between his lips.

 

Jane ran her hand through her short curly red hair.  “I told her I was going to cut it, and besides, it's not going to matter in a month or so”  She scoffed loudly.  “I need to get off this rock…”  John quietly smoked and Jane joined his silence.

 

 _Mom will get over it,_ Jane thought.   _And it's not like I was going to be around forever, she knows how much I want to join the Navy._

 

“John, bum the bum a smoke?”  She asked.  He responded by giving her what was left of his, he lit another one and remained quiet.  “Gee thanks”  Jane said sarcastically, she took a long drag and sighed.

 

_Aunt Molly was right, colony life is ‘Hardly life’._

 

“So you're really leaving?”  John asked sadly.

 

“You'll leave someday too won't you?  You can't be a farmer and a musician John, you'll have to choose one of them, my choice wasn't an easy one, but it was one I had to make”  Jane put the used cigarette out on the slightly damp grass.

 

Suddenly, loud screeching sound followed by a series of explosions filled her ears.  Jane and John both jumped to their feet, on the horizon, two large ships appeared.  They clearly weren't Alliance ships, they shapes were off, they were too alien.  John grabbed her arm and shook her.

 

“Fuck, what do we do?”  He yelled.  Jane shrugged off his hand and held his hand.

 

“We get mom and dad, and grab whatever guns dad has stored away”  She could hardly believe the clarity in her own voice, her brother was terrified, why wasn't she?  The twins began to run back home to the colony, by the time they reached the outer ring of prefabs they could already hear gunfire.  One of the ships had landed somewhere in the middle of the colony, while the other was slowly circling the outer reaches, likely looking for people trying to escape.  They were only a few buildings away from home when they saw them, four eyed aliens wearing heavy armor and carrying guns and varying kinds.  Batarians.

 

“Shit-fuck, what now?”  John was beginning to panic.  He and Jane crouched behind a prefab, she took in her surroundings, there was a large building nearby that was under construction, there had to be some tools laying around, maybe even a nail gun.  

 

“Remember the new Foundry?”  Jane gave her brother a wicked smile, his eyes lit up and mimicked her signature smile, they both nodded and ran together.  

 

The building wasn't too far away and upon their arrival they discovered there were indeed tools that had been left out, unfortunately all they had to choose from was a sledge hammer handle and a  rusty crowbar.  John picked handle up and gave it a test swing.  

 

“ _Swing away merrill_ ”  Jane chuckled.

 

“This is not the time to be making references to amazing old movies, Jane-y _Slater_ ”  John said, tossing Jane the crowbar.

 

“Fuck off”  Jane caught the weapon and the two set off again, they carefully turned corners, snuck around the pirates they saw and safely made it back to their family’s home.  They snuck around back and Jane unlocked the back door, they rushed in and high fived.

 

“Well that was just about the scariest thing I've ever had to do”  John gasped and retched.

 

“The fight isn't over yet”  Jane said, she grabbed him by the shoulder.  “We still need to find mom and dad, and-”  She was suddenly hit on the back of the head with something metal, the force knocked her to the ground.  The world around her was swaying, she clutched the back of her head and tried to regain her balance.  Gloved hands clawed at her arms  and held her to the ground, John screamed as he was dragged out of the house.

 

“John”  She whispered, the Batarians around her laughed and tugged at her clothes, in her panic she noticed she was laying on her crowbar, she wrestled one of her hands free, grabbed it and swung it hard, she hit one of them right in the center of his face, she heard his skull crack and he fell to the floor dead.  

 

 _That's what you get,_ Jane thought.  Another Batarians growled at her and slammed her back down onto the ground hard, she felt dizzy, unaware of what was happening to her.  After some time, she came out of the haze to the sound of a different type gunshots.  Alliance soldiers busted through the doors and killed the few Batarians left, the soldiers wrapped a blanket around her and asked her a series of questions.  After they were finished questioning her, they offered her a ride to another colony that could house her.

 

“No... take me to wherever my recruiter was going to take me”  She felt empty, but not broken.

  
  


-Normandy-

  
  


Shepard Gasped and woke with a start, she tried to open both eyes but she couldn't feel the left side of her face, she tried to touched her face with her left hand but the movement felt different than normal, her arm was heavy and she couldn't feel her fingers.  She turned her head to look at her hand, her body protested every movement.

 

“Ah”  She tried to speak but her throat was too parched to make much sound, she couldn't stop looking at her hand, it wasn't hers, it was clearly a prosthetic, and a outdated one too.  Memories began rushing back, she ran off to activate the catalyst alone, Anderson and the Illusive Man were there, both of them were dead by the end.  Than she had to make a choice, after everything that had happened she didn't feel right about controlling the Reapers or integrating everyone with synthetics, she chose the only option that seemed most morally just.  Better to just destroy to Reapers and free the universe from them, she wondered how EDI and the geth faired.

 

Shepard gripped the side of her hospital bed and attempted to sit up, she felt stiff and sore.  She fell back down onto the bed hard and settled for looking around at the room she was in, it was the medbay in the Normandy.

 

 _Thank god,_ she thought.   _Of course Joker got them out of there… He's the best pilot in the galaxy._  She smiled. _Garrus must be alive too, he’s probably taking a break from watching over me to go calibrate something_.  The medbay door hissed open and her favorite doctor walk through.

 

“Commander?”  Chakwas rushed over to her, brought up her omni tool and typed away at it.  “I'm glad to finally see you awake, you've been out for a month or so”

 

“Wha”  Shepard Choked out.

 

“Hold on, let me get you some water”  Chakwas hurried back out the medbay door and onto the crew deck.  She didn't leave her alone for very long, she came back with the promised water and a small bowl of what looked like soup.  Chakwas adjusted her bed so she was sitting up slightly, a gave her a sip of water.

 

“Karin, how- how is”  She squeaked out, her throat was beginning to feel a little better.

 

“Everyone made it, we're all alive.  And if it's Garrus you're asking for, he's resting in the forward battery”  Karin gave her a spoonful of soup broth.

 

“Mm”  Shepard relaxed and allowed Karin to feed her, she felt useless not being able to move much.  “Did EDI-make it?”  She asked, her voice was slowly returning to normal.

 

“I am still here Commander”  EDI’s voice came over the intercom with her usual contemplative tone.

 

“Good to hear… Geth?”  She asked tentatively.

 

“The Geth are also still alive”  EDI responded in a slightly happier tone.

 

“Good”  Shepard leaned further back into the bed, everyone had gotten out alive after all, it felt good knowing she had done enough to save everyone, minus the Batarians of course, whom had arguably suffered the worst losses overall.  Shepard raised her arms and activated her omni tool.

 

“I know you're eager to get back to work Commander, but you really need to rest”  Chakwas offered her more soup but she declined, after all, she needed to make sure all her friends on earth had made it.  Chakwas set her food on a small table next to her and walked over to her normal spot by the window to the crew deck. Shepard started tapping away at her omni tool when she noticed she had several thousand messages.

 

 _Oh god…_ She thought.

 

She put on a few filters to narrow the options down to her favorites, Wrex and Garrus’ both had all-caps in the subject so she opened theirs first.

  


-Urdnot Wrex,

 

YOU BETTER NOT DIE AFTER I SAVED YOUR ASS.

 

Karin says you're still in a coma, you really need to wake up soon.  Things got tense on earth so I pulled out all my men, I'm worried about the counsel.  Bakara keeps saying it'll be fine, that they'll reward us with a few colony worlds, but I'm still worried, they've done this shit before.  Heard humans have a saying like that, about history repeating itself.  I hope that doesn't happen.

 

You better be alive when I see you again.  I owe you a drink.  Or five.

 

WREX.-

  


_Don't ever change Wrex._

 

She opened Garrus’ message and mentally prepared herself for a long read.

  


-Garrus Vakarian

 

PLEASE WAKE UP SOON.

 

I can't believe how pathetic I've become, staying by your bedside all the time, praying; I've actually resorted to praying, I just feel so lost without you.  When you wake up we need to talk about our future together, and whether or not you want this to continue, you already know where I stand on the matter, and I know we already talked about it on the Citadel but I just need to be reassured.  Also, I really hope you weren't joking about kids… Joker and Jack both said we would make “kick-ass” parents, and I'm inclined to believe them.  Spirits, you haven't even met my family yet, if we keep heading down this road together, you'll have to meet them at some point.  I actually got off video chat with my Father and Sister a few minutes before writing this; I haven't told them about us yet, I cannot do that alone, they both seem to be doing well, Solana said some nice guy saved her on Palavan but she won't tell me anything about him, I asked her if he was a non-Turian and she immediately changed the subject, I'm happy for her but very concerned.  My Father said he would be interested in seeing the Normandy sometime, Sol too, I've been making plans for them to come aboard and stay for a little bit, I think we all need a vacation.  Anyways, this message is way longer than I intended it to be.  I love you, please wake up soon.

(And when you do wake up, please don't overwork yourself, you've been in a coma)

 

Your favorite Turian.-

  


She closed her omni tool and wiped tears away, it was a lot to take in.  She had only really spoken to him about their future a handful of times, and most of those conversations ended with jokes about cultural differences and interspecies weirdness.  She loved him, and she wanted this to be more grounded, so to speak.  She needed to see him, talk to him.  She brought up her omni tool again and sent him a quick message.

  


-Commander J. Shepard.

 

(No subject)

 

I'm awake.

 

Your favorite Human.-

  


She laid back and relaxed.

 

 _It could be hours until he_ ’s _awake and see’s that,_ just as she thought that, she heard the loud tapping of running feet making its way from the forward battery to the medbay.  Garrus burst through the door only wearing pants and what looked to be a C-sec tee shirt, he was immediately at her side hugging her, his subharmonics gave off a low rumble.

 

“I missed you too big guy” She leaned into him as much as she could, and kissed his right mandible.  He released her from the hug and cupped the undamaged side of her face with his ungloved hand.

 

“Don't. Ever. Do. That. Again”  Garrus kissed her and gently pressed his forehead to hers.

 

“I don't plan on it… it should be smooth sailing from here on out”  She kissed him again but with more passion, Karin cleared her throat.

 

“Let's keep things ‘safe for work’ while in the medbay please”  Karin gave them both a annoyed look, and returned to typing away at her computer.  Garrus pecked her again and pulled up a chair to her right side.

 

“We need to talk about some things”  He intertwined his fingers with hers and gently squeezed her hand.

 

“Yeah”  She smiled.  “I guess we do”


	5. Small Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's song is Small Problems by The Bulls! 
> 
> I still can't believe so many people are actually reading this, I mean, I know Shakarian is a popular ship but I didn't think this many people would still be interested in it after so much time had past. Never the less, I'm happy people are enjoying this fic. =)

-Normandy-

 

Karin cleared her throat again, but with more force this time.

 

“With all due respect Garrus, I need to talk with the Commander about her condition first”  She said standing up from her seat, Karin walked back over to Shepard and handed Garrus a data pad.  

 

“Commander, as I said earlier, you've been in a coma for roughly thirty days, your muscles have began to atrophy”  Garrus scrolled through the data pad, he gripped her hand a little tighter.  “You need to be prepared to undergo extensive physical therapy, the loss of your left arm, leg and eye; while it is tragic, pales in comparison to the problems we're having involving your cybernetics.  Ms. Lawson and I have corrected most of the problems through surgery, but your spine has been… problematic.”  Karin put a hand on Shepard’s right leg.

 

“I-I can't feel that”  She said softly.  Garrus looked up from the data pad, as devastated as she looked, he couldn't help but to think of of beautiful she still was.  Karin continued.

 

“The damage is repairable, but as I said, the therapy will be extensive.  As you've noticed already, we have already found a temporary prosthetic to replace your arm, you can thank Garrus and Tali for fixing it up for you”  She smiled and nodded towards him, his subharmonics gave off a slightly embarrassed tone.  Fixing the arm really wasn't much effort, he and Tali found a human on earth that was collecting prosthetics in functioning condition, they had to haggle with the human for some time but after they told him who it was for he seemed more reasonable.

 

“We have been unable to find a suitable replacement for your leg but we're working on that, it's the same case for your eye.  However, Miranda decided that she would make you a new one from scratch, she wanted to make sure the color matched”  Karin smiled.  “We're all here for you Commander”

 

Shepard cleared her throat.  “How are the others doing? And who all is aboard?”

 

 _Typical Shepard, always more concerned about others,_ Garrus thought.

 

“I suppose we can change the topic, all of the crew survived with minimal injury; as for whose aboard currently, Liara, Javik, Miranda, Jack, Tali, Zaeed, Vega and Cortez.  Wrex and Grunt have returned to Tuchanka, Samara and Kasumi have disappeared to places unknown but are alive and well”  Karin said full of hope. Garrus handed her back the data pad; its contents included parts of Shepard’s physical therapy routines, along with a long list of ‘activities’ they wouldn't be able to do together while she was recovering, Karin gave him a sympathetic look.  Shepard wore a dark expression, one he had seen many times before, it was the look she made when she was considering her options or forming a plan.  He loved how her eyebrows folded closer together and her small freckled nose scrunched up slightly, her fiery red hair had grown out longer than he was used to seeing, it reached only a few inches past her hairline, but looked like a unruly mess of curls.  Shepard coughed hard and pulled Garrus from his observations, he snaked his free hand behind her back and held her close, Karin retrieved a pillow to hold onto while she coughed.

 

“Shhh, I've got you”  Garrus rubbed circles onto her back and Shepard soon stopped coughing,  Karin gave her a few more sips of water and readjusted her bed down into a slightly more comfortable angle, Garrus removed his hand from her back and rested it on her left shoulder instead.

 

“Now that we've gotten all my medical nonsense out of the way, I'll leave you two to talk for a bit, I need to check in with Miranda anyways”  Karin smiled wide and walked out, the medbay door hissed open and closed again.  Garrus swallowed hard, he knew it was childish to feel nervous, but knowing that did nothing to quell his anxiousness.

 

“It's okay if you're not up for taking about us right now, I'm sure you have a lot on your mind right,  just know that I'm here if you need me”  He spoke softly and nuzzled her forehead gently, she chuckled and pressed her head against his.

 

“I think I'd rather handle our stuff now if it's all the same to you”  She gave him a half hearted smile and pecked his stiff lips.  

 

“A-Alright, uh… I don't really know where to start with this.  Shep- I mean, Jane”  Garrus fumbled his words, Shepard gave him a kind look.  “We've been through hell together, we've loved and lost, beat the odds...”  He gripped her handle a little tighter.  “ This is going to sound cliché but, I can't help feeling like we're meant to be together… in a more permanent way”  He looked away out of embarrassment, he could feel Shepard’s eyes on him but she remind silent.  “Uh, no pressure or anything though, I mean, It's okay if that's not what you want, I just want to stay beside you in some; or any capacity”  He returned his gaze to her, she was staring at him with a wicked smirk.

 

“Garrus, are you asking me to?”  She trailed off and smirked harder, Garrus rolled his eyes, she was clearly trying to goad him into not being nervous.

 

“Humans call it ‘marriage’ right?  Turians have Bondmates, it's pretty much the same concept, I think”  His nervousness was beginning to fade, the most important part was over.  “I don't have a ring to propose to you with, I hope that's okay, I mean I can definitely get one if that's something you want”

 

“I think we're sort of past the whole ring thing Garrus, I love you and I'd love to get married”  Shepard teared up and leaned into him.  “I honestly never thought I'd live long enough to actually be asked that, sorry for being sort of an ass about it” She pecked him on the madable and leaned on him more.  Garrus felt a wave of relief wash over him, it was easily the most nerve wracking thing he has had to do recently, he nuzzled his face in her hair.

 

“Sooo, how do you feel about having my family abroad for a bit?”  His Father had somehow managed to figure out that he was seeing someone, he was certain Castis didn't know who, but the thought of his Father finding out felt awful.  His Father didn't hate her or anything, he just didn't trust Spectres, of course it also didn't help that she was Human; he had always been very guarded around humans, he never even tried to hid his distrust for them.

 

“Well, I'm definitely excited to meet them, but I'd like to be able to walk again first”  Shepard yawned, she looked exhausted.  “Garrus, do you think we did enough?”  She gave him a concerned look.

 

“I think we did all we could, given our circumstances”   He said, he couldn't help but to feel mournful, considering how much they had lost within the last three years.  

 

Shepard started to cry, she bit her lip and sobs violently shook her small frame, he pulled her into a hug and ran his hand through her soft hair.  They had truly been through hell, and she stood tall through it all, she played the role of the unfeeling and unrelenting Commander.  But as she cried in his arms, all the mysticism faded away, revealing a small broken person; who had recently watched some of her closest friends die.  The deaths of Mordin and Thane were hard on everyone, the life support and tech lab felt incomplete without them, like a crucial piece of the Normandy was missing.  And Ashley, the first they had lost, he knew Shepard still blamed herself for her death, she had confided in him as much.  Grief was a heavy load to bare, but their sacrifices paved the way to ending the war, to saving the galaxy.  Morality called for their sacrifices to be justified, but it didn't make it hurt any less.  

 

Garrus held her until there were no more tears, till she had fallen back to sleep.  He tucked her in and removed himself from the medbay, upon exiting he noticed Karin sitting with Miranda and Jack at the dining table.

 

“Has she fallen back to sleep?”  Karin asked, he nodded and grabbed himself a beer from the cooling unit and joined the others at the table.

 

“I call dibs on talking to her next, I've got some shit I need to say to her” Jack leaned back in her chair and looked at the medbay, Miranda pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed.

 

“She needs to know about the council's plan for the Krogan”  Miranda spoke in a cold and concise manner, though her sad expression betrayed any illusion of contempt. Karin nodded in response and Jack shot them both a furious look.

 

“She needs a break”  He said in a disapproving tone, she wasn't just Commander Shepard to him anymore, she was something more important; the most important thing to him, the only thing that to matter anymore.  “Spirits knows she deserve it”


	6. Like Real People Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I really want to explore the less violent side of Mass Effect, all of the inner workings and relationships; I've always found that part of the universe totally fascinating and I wanted to sort of take a step back from the guns and killing for a bit. I hope that's okay! Of course I will eventually get everyone back to fighting Mercs and stuff, but for now everyone needs some time to heal.
> 
> This Chapter was inspired by the song Like Real People Do by Hozier.

-Normandy-

  
  
  


Garrus woke up to the sound of Shepard snoring loudly, she was sleeping unusually sound, considering she had almost died only a month ago.  He leaned over to her and brushed a few stray hairs from her face, careful not to wake her up.

 

_ I promise you, I will be here with you until the very end,  _ Garrus thought.  He couldn't look at her without feeling a newfound hope, they were finally going to have a future together, no more Wars, Reapers, or suicide missions.  As happy as he was, he couldn't shake the feeling that something horrible was going to happen, that all this peace was going to dissolve back into chaos.  Garrus’ omni tool chimed, the sudden sound startled him more than it should have, he got up from his chair and made his way to the forward battery.  It was the Normandy’s night cycle so the crew deck was completely empty, the sound of his footfalls echoed eerily through the deck. The Forward Battery’s door hissed opened, he stepped inside and brought up his messages on his omnitool.

 

_ Spirits,  _ Garrus quietly cursed.

 

Another message from his sister, he had been receiving messages from his family almost nonstop since the war had ended, both his father and sister seemed more interested in his life than ever before.  He was hesitant to even reply to his father's messages, afraid that he would find out about his romance with Shepard.  He sat down on his cot and opened his sister’s message.

  
  


-Solana Vakarian

 

Hey loser,

 

So remember that guy I told you about, the one I met during the war; the one that saved me, yeah that one.  I completely lost contact with him after the war ended and I'm afraid he decided he didn't actually like me… ridiculous I know, but seriously, I haven't been shot down like this since Verik from intermission school, I don't really know how to handle it, I don't even know what happened to him or if he's still alive.  The vacation thing you suggested seems like a pretty good idea, being aboard a ship will help clear my mind.  Dad is  **very** excited to stay on the Normandy, and he's even starting to get impatient about it!  Anyways, hope you're doing okay.

 

Your favorite sister.-

  
  


He wasn't really sure what to think, the message’s unusually high level of normalcy caught him off guard.  It was an odd feeling, not fighting for your life, being able to slow down and take in the scenery.  It was a welcome change, but left him feeling uneasy and maybe a little paranoid.  Garrus got up from his cot and opened the door to the forward battery, only to find Jack on the other side of it, they both jumped back startled.

 

“Fuck, don't do that shit to me”  Jack seethed.

 

“Sorry about that”  Garrus raised both of his hands to gesture surrender.  “So are you here to mess up my calibrations or?...”  He trailed off when he noticed how red Jacks eyes were.  She walked over and sat on his cot, the moments he saw Jack even a little vulnerable were few and far between.

 

“I need advice”  She said curtly.

 

“About?”  Garrus retorted.  

 

“Fuck, you're doing that thing!”  She suddenly yelled, Jack got up from the cot and began to pace back and forth in the small room.

 

“What thing?”  Garrus grabbed her arm to stop her but she shrugged it off and kicked the Thanix cannons main control station, Garrus cringed at the sight.  “Jack, calm down and tell me what's wrong”  Garrus was tempted to raise his voice, but opted for a more hushed tone, his subharmonics betrayed his calm voice, they let off a absolutely furious sound.  Jack turned to him and gave him a look of frustration.

 

“Shepard always does that, the whole ‘Asking a question without actually asking it thing!”  Jack looked almost murderous, a far cry from how she was while on earth.

 

Garrus recoiled a little, and realized that he in fact,  **had** picked that up from her.  He wondered how many of her other quirks he had unknowingly picked up.  A breathy “Oh”  Was all he could muster.

 

“Yeah I hate when she does that, I don't understand why people can't just be straight up about shit!  Like why does she have to make me guess what she wants from me, I'm sick of pussy-footing around shit; like I'm walking on a fucking minefield.  Why can't she just talk to me like a real person, and not like some… stuck up bitch…”  Jack’s anger slowly diffused and she walked back over to Garrus’ cot and sat back down.  

 

“I have to feeling we're not talking about Shepard anymore”  Garrus leaned onto the room's door and folded his arms.

 

“No…”  Jack whispered, she looked away out of embarrassment.  

 

“So, Miranda-”  Garrus started to speak but Jack shot him a annoyed look, her expression softened and she looked away again.

 

“I figured since you and Shep are a thing, maybe you could give me some… you know, romance advice?”  Jack asked hesitantly, she brought her knees in close and hugged them tightly.  Garrus ran his bare hand over his fringe and sighed. 

 

“Well, have you told her how you feel?” Ha walked over to her and sat down next to her, Jack only nodded in response.  “Hm, have you considered the possibility that she’s just over stressed?”

 

“Duh”  Jack responded, she gave him another annoyed look.  

 

“Maybe she just needs some space?”  He shrugged.  It felt strange to be giving someone relationship advice, only a few years ago he was a single adult with no interest in ongoing courtships, let alone a permanent relationship.  As soon as he met Shepard, he knew there was something different about her, it was in the way she carried herself, how she always went out of her way to help people; she never let anything compromise her morality.  It was inspiring, he had tried to mimic that level of righteousness after she had ‘died’, but quickly realized he couldn't handle people the same way she did.  Jack cleared her throat loudly.

 

“I want to make this work with her… but I don't really know how”  She said quietly.  He could relate to her situation all too much, the differences between her and Miranda were blindingly apparent, not as different as being part of two completely different species, but still just as complicated.

 

“Jane and I talked about getting married”  He blurted out.  Jack immediately turned her head to look at him, her mouth hung open in awe.

 

“Fuck”  She whispered softly.  “That’s like… a commitment, like a serious commitment”  She seemed completely taken aback by the whole situation.

 

“Yeah”  The thought of it made him smile, but than his mind drifted to his Father, it would break his heart if; or when he finds out.  “I haven’t told my family about her yet, my Father isn’t too keen on, well, anything to do Spectres… or humans for that matter”  Garrus’ mind ran through scenarios quicker than Udina from the truth, and almost all of them ended with his family life in shambles.  He loved Shepard, and he’d be damned if anything came between them, but losing his connection with his family would be hard, if not devastating.  Jack let go of her legs and returned them to the floor, she patted him on the back and got up.

 

“Good to know I’m not the only one aboard dealing with complicated shit right now… Thanks for the talk Scars, lets do it again some time”  Jack smiled and offered to help him get up, he took her hand and she hoisted him up off his cot.

 

“It’s no problem Jack, I’m around if you ever need anymore advice”  He couldn’t believe the softness in his own voice.  Before Shepard, he would have never spoken to someone like her, let alone be willing befriend her.  So much had changed since then, and somehow along the way he had become just the tiniest bit more approachable.  He chuckled at the thought.  He and Jack left the Foreword Battery and went their separate ways, she walked to Miranda’s quarters down the hall, and he made his way back to the Medbay.  Shepard wasn’t snoring anymore, but she was definitely still asleep, she mumbled and twitched.

 

_ She must be dreaming,  _ Garrus thought.

 

Suddenly she began to thrash about in her bed, he rushed to her side and grabbed both arms.

 

“Jane, wake up!  It’s just a dream!”  He shook her slightly and her eyes shot open, she gave him a look of absolute horror, then her expression faded back into her usual look. He got up into her bed and held her, she didn’t say anything and neither did he.  


	7. I'll Be Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhhh boy, sorry for taking so long to build stuff up, I feel like there are a lot of world building things I need to get straight before we get into the juicy stuff! We're getting there though!
> 
> (The song used for this chapter is I'll Be Good by Jaymes Young)

 

-Normandy-

  


“You've got this, just a little bit more”  He kept repeating the same words over and over again, but soft words of encouragement could do nothing to help heal her spine.  Jane let out a frustrated sigh as she tightly gripped the two metal rails she was sandwiched between, Garrus hovered over her with poorly concealed concern. It had already been three weeks since they found her a replacement leg and after two lengthy spinal surgeries she regained use of both legs, Chakwas; quite hilariously, didn't even seem surprised when she miraculously recovered.  But now, despite all the improvement she had made, she couldn't stop thinking about how pathetic she must look, struggling to work through her physical therapy routine, Chakwas assured her that she was ‘making great progress’, that her body had ‘taken well to the new leg and implants’.  But the whole process was too slow for her liking, Garrus was an enormous help to her, but his constant fussing and worrying was frustrating.  Her right hand gave out under her weight and Garrus quickly caught her, she bit her lip and hoisted herself back up with both arms.

 

“Jane If it's too much, you can stop anytime”  Garrus’ hands remained glued to her body, in case she were to fall again.

 

“No, I can't just quit when it gets hard”  She snapped at him and turned her full attention back to her routine.  She could apologize to him when it was over, for now she could only focus on the task at hand.  She struggled through the entire routine and finished feeling thoroughly exhausted, combat always wore her out but this was a whole new level of tired, everything from the way her sweat clung to her in the temperature controlled environment of the medbay, to the way Garrus looked at her with pity, it all made her feel like she lost another battle.  It made her sick.  But the worst part was the wheelchair, Chakwas had one stored away in the medbay and almost seems eager to break it out, the mobility was nice, but it was almost impossible to wheel herself around in it after her therapy sessions.  Garrus enthusiastically pushed her around in it and helped her make her rounds, it was embarrassing at best and mortifying at worse.  At least she was able to return to her cabin to rest and recuperate, being confined to a bed in the medbay had been excruciatingly boring.  Garrus silently wheeled her into the elevator and up to their cabin, after a week of convincing she had finally gotten him to move his things from the Forward Battery into her cabin, his presence quelled her nightmares and he seemed to enjoy spending more time alone together.  Chakwas forbade them from engaging in any ‘activities’ for the time being, which was fine because she felt too damn sore to even think about doing anything even remotely sexual, surprisingly enough, Garrus fully agreed with the Doctor and was more than happy to keep things strictly platonic, so much so that he would hesitate to hold her while they slept, in fear that he would accidentally hurt her.  Garrus’ voice derailed her train of thought.

 

“Sweetie, are you listening?”  Garrus said, his voice wasn't laced with any sarcasm or pity, just his normal dulcet tones.

 

“Oh, sorry, I just sort of zoned out… what were you saying?” She said, than mentally kicked herself for not paying attention to him.

 

“I was saying, I got a message from Wrex late last night, you were sleeping soundly so I didn't want to disturb you, but he mentioned the counsel giving him trouble again.  He's worried they won't give the Krogan a new world, sprints knows they deserve it”  the cabins door hissed open and he wheeled her inside.

 

“It's always something…”  She whispered.  Garrus sighed, he helped her out of her chair and onto their plush bed.

 

“The battle is over but the war continues”  He mumbled as he tossed his visor onto her nightstand and plopped down face first onto their bed.

 

 _Their bed,_ Shepard smiled at the thought.  Amidst all the chaos and politics she had somehow found love, and not the romance novel type; if anything, their relationship was more akin to a romantic comedy, they both started off as two romantically impaired friends, than she made things awkward by propositioning him at what might have been the worst time imaginable.  Their whole relationship had been an adventure of the best kind, she remembered the look on his face the first time he saw her naked; starstruck, she found him equally as captivating, and in that single moment she realized she had fallen for him and his awkward charm.  Garrus turned his face to look at her, his icy blue eyes looked gentler than usual, not burdened by the weight of the galaxy. Her smile faded into a soft frown, he cupped her cheek at moved closer to her.

 

“Sweetie, are you alright?  You’ve been very quiet”  His carefree expression twisted into concern than to panic.

 

“I’m fine”  She replied curtly.  

 

“I know that look Jane, you’re thinking about the war again”  He stated.

 

She brush his hand away and turned over on her side facing away from him, everyone else was moving on from the war; healing, but she was still stuck reliving every last moment, every time she closed her eyes, she saw the faces of everyone she failed, everyone she lost.  

 

“If there were never any Reapers, if my family had never been killed, do you think we would have ever met?  Ever became friends, became…”  she felt him wrap his arms around her.

 

“When I first started working for C-sec, I told myself that the only thing that mattered was getting the job done quickly and efficiently.  Solving problems was what I did, it's what I still do.  But when I met you, everything began to change, you deeply cared for everyone around you, strangers even.  I didn't think people like you existed until I met you, than I found myself becoming more sympathetic to other people, it wasn't about the goal anymore, it was about the journey”  He hugged her a little closer, a little tighter.

 

“Why are you telling me this?”  She said coldly, Jane could feel anger rising in her chest.

 

“Jane, I don't know what could have been, all I know is what has happened, what we accomplished together, and what we're going to do now”  He kissed the nape of her neck and nuzzled her hair.

 

“And what are we going to do now Garrus?”  She scooted herself away from him and turned back over to look at him, she cupped his mandible and carefully traced his faded web of scars with her fingers.  He smiled and gapped her hand and kissed it lightly, all her anger seemed to melt away.

 

“First order of business is meeting my family, than we get married, become the most feared power-couple in the galaxy, get a place together somewhere warm, have a kid or two…”  He kissed her forehead and snaked his arms around her waist.  “or seven”  He purred loudly and showered her in kisses.

 

“Woah big guy, remember the doctor's orders?”  She said, she felt a smile drift back onto her lips.

 

Garrus let out a long sigh “Yeah”  He said mournfully.  She reached behind his head and scratched a soft spot at the base of his fringe, he made a long low sound and held her tighter.  “That's hardly fair”  He scoffed.  She let out a snort of laughter, in their private moments together nothing else existed, no wars, no politics, just them.

  
  


-Tuchanka-

  


Wrex ran through the rubble of his world with new purpose, his Tomkah couldn't make it over some large rubble so they took off on foot, he and his men descended on the wayward clan’s camp like predators.  They ripped through their enemies defenses searching for only one thing, Bakara.  Wrex shredded every tent, opened every door, until he came across an opening to a cave.  As he and his team descended into the darkness he warped Varren out of their way like ragdolls, Grunt had his blind spots, and his team had his back.  He was on the warpath, nothing would keep him from his woman.  He heard gunshots and a scuffle ahead, Grunt sprinted forward and slammed the only door separating him from Bakara, he ran out into a bright opening, the harsh sunlight momentarily blinded his senses.

 

“Heh, looks like they already freed themselves”  Grunt said as he was swarmed by women.

 

Bakara was sitting atop a pile of Krogan corpses brandishing a bloody shotgun, Wrex smiled and offered her a hand to help her down, she took his hand and tossed the used gun aside.

 

“It took you long enough Wrex”  She said suavely, she held her belly as she stepped down.  Wrex laughed loudly and held her hand.

 

“Let's go home”  All his rage dissipated.

 

“Wrex, help!”  Grunt yelled, Wrex and Bakara looked over at him, the female Krogan were chasing him around and pulling at his armor.  “Quick, tell them I'm spoken for!”  Grunt continued to call for help but Wrex just laughed at him.

 

“Women!  Behave yourselves!”  Bakara called out, all the women stilled and shuffled out of the cavern and into Wrex’s Tomkah.  Grunt scrambled to get himself back in working order, and the three joined the others in the truck.  The world around them seemed to be blooming, as if nature was finally fighting back, buildings, walls, and great towers were filled to the brim with sprouts, vines, and even some flowers; Which Grunt quickly discovered he was allergic to.  Tuchanka was reborn alongside the Krogan, there was still infighting and territory problems but his people weren't just surviving anymore, they were thriving, living.  

 

“Wrex, are we really going to copy the Human's system?”  Grunt asked curiously.

 

 _Shepard had taught him well,_ Wrex thought.  Grunt was a well rounded, and increasingly well adjusted Krogan, he always seemed to know the right questions to ask.

 

“Yeah, we'll see if our people can handle ‘Democracy’, If not than, well, we go back to the way we've been doing things recently”  Wrex felt confident, it was a new era for the Krogan, a civilized era.  It's the future he fought for and he'd be damned if anything or anyone was going to stand in his way.


	8. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are moving along nicely! I'd like to thank you guys for all the lovely comments and kudos, never in my wildest dreams did I think anyone would like what I wrote, so thank you. T.T
> 
> (The song that inspired this chapter is Recovery by James Arthur!)

-Normandy/Shepard-

 

Shepard laid in bed awake, her body ached all over and in ways she had never thought were possible, but the warmth of her bedmate helped ease her pain.  It had been exactly three months since the end of the war, some things got easier as time went on but other things just seemed to keep getting harder. Relations between the Turians and Krogan were worsening and the Alliance kept hounding her to return to earth for ‘Proper treatment’.  Tali took a shuttle to Rannoch and stayed for two weeks before ultimately deciding to return to the Normandy, something about the way her people were treating her. Liara announced her relationship with Javik; he feigned anger, but something inside him had seemed to have changed.  Garrus had made a cute comment about the Normandy being magic, about how it seemed to bring the strangest of people together. But Tali seemed angered by the comment, stating how the Normandy's ‘Magic’ didn't seem to affect her.

 

Meanwhile, her physical therapy finally seemed to be working, she graduated from using a wheelchair and was now using a cane to help her get around.  Despite being able to move more freely, Garrus continued to follow her around and hover over her while she did her rounds and spoke to people, it was somewhere between extremely adorable and excruciatingly annoying.

 

She spent nearly all her time with him, and as much as she loved him, it felt a suffocating.  She didn't have any time to herself anymore, and his constant worrying didn't help.

 

She got up from bed with a familiar ache in her lower back, she groaned from the pain, her body creaked, cracked, and protested the movement.

 

“Hey… take it slow”  Garrus whispered, her sudden movement must have stirred him from his sleep.

 

“I'm fine Garrus.  I might sound like I'm falling apart, but trust me, I'm not”  She leaned over him and pecked him on the lips, he smiled.

 

She sat herself on the edge of their bed and began to stretch out her limbs one by one until the pain began to fade away.  She reached for her cane and got up slowly.

 

“Be careful love…”  He said.

 

“I can't wait till I can walk normally again”  She mumbled in response. Garrus sat up in bed and propped himself up against the headboard and began typing away on his omni tool, he glanced at her intermittently, probably to make sure she was okay.

 

“want me to grab something for you? Maybe something for your pain?”  Garrus asked sweetly.

 

“I'm fine”  She hobbled over to her dresser, pulling out some pants and her N7 hoodie.  

 

“Do you need help getting dressed?”  Garrus asked, Shepard rolled her eyes in frustration and began to walk over to the bathroom.

 

“Be careful of that step sweetie…” Garrus warned her.

 

She stopped in her tracks and turned around, she felt her face scrunch up in frustration, she opened her mouth but stopped herself before she could say anything that might hurt him.  

 

“Are you alright Jane?”  Garrus jumped out of bed and rushed to her side, he gently held her by her arms and looked her in the eyes, a worried look stretched across his face, she looked down at her feet to avoid eye contact.

 

“This needs to stop”  She whispered.

 

Garrus tightened his grip on her arms and brought her closer. “What needs to stop?”  He asked, the panicked tone in his voice was painful to hear.

 

“The incessant worrying!”  She yelled and ripped her arms away from him.  He recoiled slightly.

 

“I-I’m just… you've just been through so much and…”  He said sadly, the pained look he made was too much for her heart to handle.  She grabbed him by the waist and pulled him into a tight hug.

 

“I'm sorry for snapping at you, I just need some space today”  She spoke as softly and as calmly as possible, he tensed for a moment than relaxed, he held her by the small of her back with one hand and ran his fingers through her hair with the other.

 

“I think Miranda needs my help with something today anyways… You're not going to make me sleep on the couch right?”  He pulled away from her and cupped her face, she furrowed her brows and opened her mouth in confusion.

 

“Why would I want you to sleep on the couch?”  She asked, dumbfounded.

 

“Vega said something about how you were going to get mad at me for staying so close to you all the time and how you'd banish me from our bed because you were so mad!”  Garrus’ panicked string of words almost didn't register in her mind, she stood there and stared at him a moment.

 

“Okay…”  She began, “I'm not nearly mad enough to ‘banish’ you to the couch, I just need you to give me a little space every now and then alright?”  His expression soften a little and he let out a long sigh.

 

“What if something happens while I'm not around?”  He asked.

 

“Garrus, if something happens, I have the entire crew looking out for me.  You don't need to worry about me so much, and I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself”  She felt herself smile, he sighed again and let go of her.

 

“Okay… you go get dressed then, I'll head off to help Miranda.  Send me a message if you need me” He said sadly.

 

Shepard grabbed him by the cowl and pulled him down into a kiss.  “I will _always_ need you Garrus”  His throat made a low growl as she let go of him, she smirked and walked away and into the bathroom.  She could hear him rustling around outside putting his day clothes on, he knocked on the door.

 

“I'm leaving now”  He called out.

 

“Have fun, and try not to worry so much”  She said from behind the closed door, she could hear the tapping of his feet than the sound of the cabin door hissing open than closed again.  She threw her cane towards the shower and tossed her clothes onto the countertop, she braced herself on the edge of the sink, bit her lip, and willed away the tears that threatened to leak out from behind her eye.  She looked up at the mirror in front of her, she cringed every time she saw herself.  Leaning on the counter for support,  she slowly peeled back the bandages from her face, her skin was a sickly color of marbled pinks and reds.  She couldn't understand what he saw in her before she looked like this, she wasn't sure how he could even still be interested in her anymore, she was a mess both in body and mind. She let out a angry huff, she stripped herself down and changed into her hoodie.  She reached for the small med kit on the counter and replaced her bandages, not just to protect the wound, but for the sake of hiding it from the crew. She hobbled over to her shower and picked up her cane, she walked out through the cabin door and into the elevator; which of course, moved at a snail's pace.  After some waiting, it arrived at Engineering, she walked through the door directly to her right and entered the engine room, Tali heard her come in and sprung to life.

 

“Shepard!  Good to see you up and walking around on your own”  Tali rushed over to her and hugged her.

 

“Yeah, good to be walking without aid…”  Shepard said, awkwardly hugging Tali with one arm.  She pulled away and tilted her head.

 

“You mean without a certain Turian”  She said tentatively.  Shepard rolled her eyes in response.  Tali gestured towards the door, the two walked out and down to the lower engineering compartment, the room felt empty without Jack.  “Alright, what happened between the two of you?  Did something go wrong?” Tali asked, Shepard sighed and sat down Jack’s old cot.

 

“There's nothing wrong with _us,_ there's something wrong with me”  Shepard said curtly, she ran her artificial hand through her hair.

 

“Care to elaborate?”  Tali asked, but with more force.  She folded her arms and leaned up against the adjacent wall.

 

“I feel like I should be happy, we won, beat the Reapers.  We saved the Galaxy!” She exclaimed, Tali remained silent.

 

“And Garrus- god, Garrus… He keeps treating me like I'm some kind of fragile- thing!”  She took a deep breath than continued. “I'm trying to act like everything is okay and normal but it's just not.  I don't know what normal even is anymore, for years my _normal_ had been fighting the Reapers… now suddenly everything is different, I don't _not_ know how to be a soldier... Garrus and I talked about retirement, never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd ever get to that point… I don't know what to do with myself”  Shepard rested her head in Her hands and tried to keep herself from breaking down.

 

Tali walked over and sat down next to her.  “Garrus told me the two of you talked about getting ‘Married’, he also told me about how worried he was about everything…” Tali put her arm around her.  “Shepard, I'm going to let you in on a little secret.  None of us know what to do now, and that terrifies me.  For the first time in my life, I don't have a plan, I have no idea what I'm going to do next.   _Keelah_ , everything has this horrible _fake_ feeling, like something could go wrong at any moment, and I'm just waiting around till it happens.  I don't trust this peace, it's not something any of us have ever really known before” Tali rested her head on Shepard’s shoulder.  “Joker and I talked about a condition you humans call ‘post traumatic stress disorder’, it scared me how many of the symptoms I have and how many everyone else have been exhibiting, but talking about everything seems to help” Tali and Shepard shared a comfortable silence together before she slowly got up and helped Shepard up and off the cot, Shepard didn't fight the gesture.

 

“I… Thanks Tali, I really needed that”  She said softly.

 

“Jane, you don't have to be strong all the time, we don't expect you to be, and you can lean on us when you need to.  There's strength in asking for help, and even more in _accepting_ it”  Tali pulled her into a hug.  “You taught me that” Tali’s voice wavered and Shepard crumbled, she was never much for crying but her heart couldn't take it anymore. Tali held on to her as her legs gave out and they both fell to the ground.

 

All Shepard could think about was what she lost, her family, her friends, Anderson… She always had to be strong for those around her, put on a brave face, it was expected of her.  She was their Commander after all, what good would she be if she were an emotional wreck all the time. She built walls around her heart, and that was all she knew before being assigned to the Normandy.  If she had pinpoint the exact moment things began to change, it was losing Nihlus Kryik on Eden Prime, suddenly she had new purpose, a great big enemy to fight and loyal friends to fight alongside. Her walls began to crack and crumble, and than a miracle happened, she found solace in the arms of an unexpected lover.  

 

 _Garrus,_ The thought of him always put a smile on her face, her big wonderful, nervous wreck of a boyfriend.  She dried her tears on the sleeves of her hoodie.

 

“Do you mind helping me up?”  She asked tentatively. Tali hoisted her up and hugged her again.

 

“I'm proud of you Jane, I know it isn't easy feeling vulnerable”  Tali let her go and Shepard stood unaided for what felt like the first time.

  


-Normandy/Garrus-

  


Garrus entered the elevator and leaned up against the wall for support, He, Miranda, and Tali were building a new body for EDI in between fixing and calibrating Jane’s new prosthetics.  Although, He and Miranda were the only ones working on it today, Tali needed a ‘Drive Core break’, which were very similar to his ‘calibration’ breaks he'd repeatedly take. Miranda scolded him for his lack of concentration today, but he couldn't help it, he was too worried about Jane.  They had never really fought before, it was a whole new experience. The elevator door hissed open to reveal the CIC, Traynor and the other crewmen greeted him kindly. Garrus walked down the hall and into the cockpit.

 

“Is that a Turian I hear?”  Joker asked sarcastically. Garrus rolled his eyes and sat down in the copilots chair.

 

“We were just discussing prime vacation spots”  EDI chimed in.

 

“Oh?”  Garrus’ interest was piqued, no one had really made any plans yet, despite aimlessly floating around in space for three months.

 

“Yeah, we're thinking Noveria”  Joker turned around and smirked at Garrus.  “Oh and I hear Omega is nice this time of year”  Joker laughed and turned back to the controls.

 

EDI let out a strained sigh. “We were actually discussing the logistics of retracing the Normandy SR1 and SR2’s flight through the galaxy, Jeff called it _The Reunion Tour_ ”  Joker continued the thought.  “We'd revisit all the important planets we traveled to… including Noveria of course”  Joker smirked even harder.

 

 _Maybe returning to those worlds would help everyone get some closure,_ Garrus thought. “That actually sounds like a pretty good idea”  He said. _Maybe Dad and Sol would want to come along…_

 

“Well, like EDI said, we're still trying to figure out the logistics.  We're not even sure we'll be able to get everyone aboard, let alone contact them”  Joker said.

 

It was a great idea in concept, but it did pose some serious problems; where would they house everyone?  Would they have enough resources to sustain the added number of crew members with minimal stops at the Citadel?  Would anyone even be interested in coming along? It was a new set of problems he could solve.

 

“I'll talk to the others about this and get a feel for what they want to do, Though I'm sure Shepard will jump at the idea”  He said, Garrus stood up and said goodbye to the them and headed back to the elevator, his omni tool pinged with a new message.  He reached the crew deck and made his way down the hallway to the forward battery, the room looked so empty without all his things there.  He leaned against the wall and opened the new message.

 

-Commander J. Shepard

 

(No subject)

 

Hey, I hope you're not too upset about what happened earlier.  I just finished talking with Steve and James. Vega says he wants to help me get back into shape, I told him that you were already my workout partner, he made a grossed out face and Steve laughed his ass off, it was funny.  Afterwards I sat down with Chakwas and talked to her about building up muscle mass again, she said I could start small, maybe yoga? I never thought I'd ever consider doing yoga. I had an excellent conversation with Tali earlier, It got me thinking about how poorly I'm handling things.  From here on out, I'm going to be more open to you about how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking, I don't want to have anymore fights. Please be patient with me, I'm not used to feeling so; as Tali put it, vulnerable.

 

(Also on a side note, the good doctor gave me the all clear, so we can resume our ‘activities’.)

 

Your favorite Human.-

 

Garrus closed his omni tool and found himself feeling a rainbow of emotions, he wasn't sure whether is was joy or concern.  He turned to leave the forward battery when his omni tool pinged again, he eagerly opened it with the hope that it was a follow up message from Shepard, but it wasn't.  Garrus was flooded with another emotion; one that drowned out everything else, Fear. A near nuclear explosion had been reported on Tuchanka and a Turian extremist group was to blame.


	9. The Stand: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ooooooh Boy it's been awhile! But I'm back and ready to continue writing. This chapter was inspired by the song The Stand by the Protomen.

-Normandy/Garrus-

  


Garrus held his chest, leaned up against the wall and slid down.   _This can't be happening,_ Garrus thought.  Everything they fought for was flowing down the drain, the brief moment of peace they fought so hard to achieve was gone in what felt like seconds.  

 

“Uh guys… I don't wanna alarm anyone or anything, but I think something just went down on Tuchanka”  Joker chimed in over the intercom and confirmed Garrus’ fear. He took a long, deep breath and stood up.  Jane was going to need his help containing this new mess, and he’d need his armor to do it. Garrus exited the forward battery and took the elevator up to their Cabin, upon entering he noticed Jane’s cane laying on the ground in front of the bathroom.   _Shit_ , He thought.  

 

“Jane, sweetie are you in there?”  Just as he knocked on the door, it hissed open revealing a fully armored Commander Shepard, however She was severely hunched over due to the sheer weight of her N7 armor.

 

“Jane…”  Garrus tried to give he support but she pushed his hands away and tried to move past him.

 

“We don't have time for this Garrus-” She started to walk towards the cabins door but her right leg gave out and she fell to her hands and knees

 

“God damnit!”  She punched the floor with her artificial fist.

 

Garrus grabbed her cane and and hoisted her up.  “There's no way in hell you're going to be able to go planetside, but I'm sure the crew and squad will be inspired by seeing you”  She only nodded in response, they climbed into the elevator and rode down to the CIC, crewmen were already scurrying about and preparing the ship for potential combat.  Liara, Javik, and the others had already assembled, suited up, and were ready for combat. There entire mood changed in an instant, Jane grabbed her cane and shrugged off Garrus’ grasp, he stepped away from her and watched as she limped to the galaxy map.

 

She turned to the squad and gone was any semblance of lingering doubt, Commander Shepard was back in active duty and no one was going to stand in her way.  Garrus stood up a little straighter. He, the crew and squad stood to attention and saluted her.

 

“At ease everyone, we have a search and rescue mission on the agenda today and I expect every last one of you to perform at peak efficiency, the vacation is over, it's time to get back to work”  Shepard stepped down around her gathered squadmates. “I know what you're all thinking, and you're right, I can't go planetside like this…Not yet” She shot a glance at Garrus, who couldn't feel more proud of her.  “Garrus, you're leading the ground team, Jack and Vega, suit up and get ready for potential radiation exposure. Liara, get ahold of your contacts and figure out what that extremist group is planning next. Tali, Miranda and everyone else, set up some living quarters down in the cargo bay, we might need to pull our people out and house them for awhile.  Get moving everyone!” and with that, everyone hurried off to do their duties. Shepard walked towards the cockpit where Joker and EDI were already hard at work jumping the Normandy to Tuchanka. Garrus rushed up to the Cabin and threw on his armor; which felt heavier than normal, and rushed back down to the cockpit where Jack and Vega were waiting for him, both in full armor.  Jack was wearing a set that looked a bit too big for her; It was Shepard’s old Scorpion armor from their SR1 days.

 

“You ladies ready to fucking dance?” Jack excitedly asked.

 

“Loca, you know it!” Vega high fived her.

 

Joker mumbled something under his breath and squirmed in his seat.

 

“ You okay Joker?”  Garrus asked as he approached him.  Joker stared forward and shook his head.  

 

“I'm just worried about Wrex and Grunt… and you guys, just be careful down there okay?”  Garrus was taken aback by Joker’s uncharacteristic amount of concern. Shepard leaned on the back of Joker's chair and paid close attention to the screen in front of her.

 

“Joker, ETA?”  Shepard’s voice sounded perfectly calm and collected, a far cry from how it was only a few hours ago.

 

“About 15 minutes now Commander”  Joker said, rolling and popping his neck dramatically.  Shepard turned her attention to the ground team, grabbing ahold of Garrus for support.  “Make me proud out there, and don't do anything I wouldn't do” She said, eyeing Jack. Garrus gave off a pleased purr, as nervous as he was, it felt good to see her confidently giving orders again.  She then grabbed him by collar of his armor and gave him a gentle peck on his scarred mandible. “You three should get down to the the Cargo bay” She gave him a stern but worried look.

 

EDI chimed in, informing Shepard that the Council was trying to contact her via the QEC, she sighed and hobbled off without another word.  Jack punched his shoulder and the three of them walked to the cargo bay, waiting for Cortez; who was already a nervous wreck. Garrus did what he could to console the shuttle pilot, Cortez mostly ignored him and kept mumbling “At Least it's not Reapers”.

 

They all settled into their seats in the Kodiak, Garrus took a deep breath and closed his eyes.  The shuttle took to the sky's of Tuchanka, the shuttle was almost instantly bombarded with intense turbulence, the unmistakable sound of distance gun fire filled his mind along with the sound of his own heartbeat.  Memories from the war came rushing back; Menae was chaos, Cipritine was burning, the smell of death and ash permeated everything, and a sound that pierced his very being. Garrus inhaled sharply and stood up, he looked to his squad and they did the same.  He gripped his rifle tightly and patiently awaited landfall, he couldn't hear his heart anymore. The shuttle landed, Cortez gave them Wrex’s last coordinance and the shuttle door opened; Jack and Vega moved like completely different people, Garrus didn't even recognize them, his own voice was foreign to him. They jumped out and Cortez quickly left them to scout out the area from above.

 

 _At least it's not Reapers,_ his mind repeated.

  
  


-Normandy/Shepard-

  


Shepard hobbled to the back of the ship to the QEC where the Council was waiting to speak with her, a familiar feeling crept back into her body; things had never felt more normal to her, the stress of combat was oddly calming.  Private Westmoreland and Private Campbell saluted her upon entry to the war room; followed by everyone else in the room. The QEC was already loud with chatter, the door hissed open and four silhouettes greeted her.

 

“Councilors, Admiral Hackett, I'm sure you've heard about what happened on Tuchanka”  Shepard started, leaning heavy on her cane.

 

Councilor Tevos cleared her throat.  “On behalf of the council-”

 

“and the Galaxy”  Valern interjected.

 

“-we would like to thank you for your service, we owe you in ways we can never repay”  Tevos gave her a sad smile. Sparatus folded his arms tightly and said nothing.

 

“I was only doing my duty as a Spectre”  Shepard hid her appreciation. “I'm not in some kind of trouble right?”  She asked.

 

“Of course not”  Hackett said. “We just all thought it was necessary at properly thank you for your personal sacrifices Commander”  

 

Sparatus scoffed “Enough of this! Commander we need to discuss the recent terrorist attack on Tuchanka, a Turian group by the name of-”  he looked at a data pad beside him. “Raptorian, and has already claimed responsibility. The hierarchy is scrambling to keep the masses from rallying behind them, but…”  Sparatus trailed off.

 

Hackett continued the thought.  “Other groups have come out of the woodwork to support them Commander, they're trying to start another war with the Krogan”

 

Shepard pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed.   _Out of the frying pan and into the fire_ , she thought.  “And you need my help to deal with this?”  She asked sarcastically.

 

“Of course” Hackett answered deadpan.

 

Shepard sighed again and looked down at herself, she was still a wreck, both physically and emotionally.  The gentle hum of the Normandy’s engine filled the silence of the QEC; what was she if not a soldier, this is what she was meant to do, and what choice did she have anymore?  She was their hero, she had to help them.

 

“I can’t promise you that I’ll always make decisions that you all agree with, or that I will follow your orders, but I will always fight for the good of the galaxy.  I will fight till my dying breath if I have too, the Council and the Alliance can count on me to do what’s right” Shepard saluted them with as much dignity as she could muster.

 

The Councilors all looked pleased by her response, with the exception on Admiral Hackett, who wore a sullen expression.

 

“Now Councilors, if you’ll excuse me, I have a mission to oversee”  Joker promptly cut out the feed to the Councilors, the Admiral cleared his throat.

 

“I won’t ask you how you’re doing, I already know the answer”  Hackett gave her a look of pity. “Anderson would be proud of you, god knows I am”

 

“Thank you Admiral… I hope I can continue to be an asset to the Alliance”  She responded more coldly than she intended.

 

“you’ve given everything you could Commander, they’ll understand if you need more time to recover”

 

Her heart already ached for relief, but the galaxy needed her again and she wasn’t about to let it fall into chaos.  “I’ll be alright Admiral, I’ve already survived the worst war any of the races have ever seen, how much worse could things get?”  Shepard tried to lighten the mood but Hackett was completely unfazed.

 

“You take care of yourself Shepard, and remember what I said.  Hackett out” His hologram flickered out, and Shepard was left alone with only the hum of the Normandy to comfort her.


	10. The Stand: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oof, Sorry this took so long. I've been busy with school and goat stuff. RIP my free time.
> 
> I'm still listening to that Protomen Song 'The Stand', it's great you guys should check out their stuff!

-Tuchanka/Garrus-

  


The beautiful flowering wasteland of Tuchanka was burning, Garrus looked through the scope of his rifle; out past the rubble, through the toppled buildings, and saw a new fiery crater.  His people aided in the destruction of the Krogan before, fitting that they would be the ones to drop bombs on them again. He was in a haze, like he was functioning on autopilot.

 

“Ground team, status report”  Shepard asked over coms. Without hesitation he signalled Vega to check around a corner, Jack trailed closely behind them.

 

“Coming up on Clan Urdnot territory now, no sign of the extremist group yet”  He said calmly. Vega turned the corner and gave him and Jack the all clear. The three of them continued down a narrow street with little available cover, he couldn't help feeling like they were walking into a trap; but nothing happened, they continued forward deeper into Urdnot territory.  They eventually came across a toppled building that was once the entrance to Wrex’s ‘new’ home.

 

“You think they got out in time?”  Vega asked, cautiously prodding a large piece of debris with his rifle.

 

“Ideally” Garrus responded coldly, pulling out his omnitool and scanning the debris; it gave off a harsh tone and displayed an X to indicate that there were no living people inside.  Jack let out an angry huff and kicked a small metal can into a nearby building. Garrus reopened communication with the Normandy.

 

“We've arrived at the main entrance but it's completely blocked off.  EDI, Joker, can do a quick flyby and scan the area for other potential entrances?”  he said.

 

“Sure, and do you want me to do the rest of your work too?  Maybe some… Calibrations?” Joker replied in typical fashion.

 

“Thanks”  He replied curtly.  He looked up as the Normandy flew by almost silently, a few seconds later Garrus received a full map of the area including the maze of underground tunnels running perpendicular to Wrex’s home.  He honed in on a group of heat signatures nearby, just beyond the opening to the cave system.

 

“This way”  He said. They moved through the rubble and ash with a precision he had come to expect from his comrades, even Jack moved like a disciplined soldier.  As they turned the last corner, a sharp burst of static filled their coms than a second later, Cortez chimed in.

 

“I've located Clan Urdnot, going in for pick up than I'll circle back and pick you guys up at the rendezvous point”  Cortez cut back out, and Garrus stopped in his tracks. If Steve had found Wrex’s group, who they hell were they about to run into.  Just as he stopped, a large group of heavily armored Turians spilled out from the cave entrance, He and Vega dove for cover while Jack held up a barrier with one hand and threw a singularity towards their enemy with the other.  Garrus peaked over the top of the concrete he was crouched behind and looked through his scope, he lined up his sights right in between the eyes of a especially careless extremist and pulled the trigger, one by one their enemy dropped like flies.  They cleared out the area and searched for any lingering enemies, when they found none, Jack celebrated by kicking one of the bodies helmets off.

 

“What the fuck?”  Jack said, kneeling down next to the body.

 

“What?”  Vega asked, after looting a body for its heavily modded pistol.  He and Vega walked over to where Jack kneeling.

 

“Look for yourself”  She move the body’s head toward them, it was horrifying.  The dead Turians face was mangled with scars and cybernetics, it had an uncanny resemble to the husks they fought during the war.  The Turian was also missing all identifiable traits, like the mandibles, and fringe, Garrus cringed. Vega walked over to another Turian and removed it's helmet, it was the same as the first, he and Jack removed a few more for confirmation, it was a stomach churning sight.  Garrus took a few pictures with his omnitool and sent them back up to the Normandy.

 

The squad wordlessly returned to the rendezvous point where Cortez and Wrex were waiting for them.  Upon arrival, they were greeted by a hoard of angry Krogan with Wrex trying to calm them. Garrus half heartedly waved at Wrex, Wrex’s face went from irritated to enraged in an instant.  Wrex pushed the other Krogan aside and charged him, before he could react, Wrex already had his massive hands around Garrus’ neck.

 

“Your people- YOUR PEOPLE DID THIS!”  Wrex bellowed, his grip tightening around his neck.  Vega raised his rifle to Wrex’s head and Jack’s hands lit up with a light blue aura.  

 

“I-I didn’t”  Garrus choked out, he felt himself beginning to drop out of consciousness.  “I would- have-warned-you” he gasped in between each word. Wrex suddenly let go of him and caught him before he could fall.  Garrus coughed hard and held onto Wrex for support, Jack and Vega lowered their weapons. The Krogan around them fell silent, waiting for resolution.

 

“I would have- warned you if- I had known”  He gasped and coughed again. Wrex looked painfully apologetic, instead of actually apologizing, he wordlessly helped Garrus into the shuttle.  Jack followed behind and sat down next to garrus, Vega leaned up against the shuttles interior door.

 

 _What a mess_ , Garrus thought.  Grunt and Bakara were quietly sitting across from him, avoiding eye contact.  He took off his helmet and cleared his throat. “I'm glad you three are alright, I don't know what I would have done if I had lost one of you”  He did know; he would have found the people responsible and he would have destroyed them, but Wrex didn't need to know that.

 

“Uh, I think we might be at maximum capacity guys”  Cortez peaked his head out from the cockpit. Wrex let out an angry huff and exited the shuttle, Worried looking Krogan surrounded the Kodiak.

 

“I can’t bring you all.  I’ll send more shuttles to pick everyone up to take you to a refugee camp somewhere safer”  Wrex spoke in a way that was both intimidating and reassuring. The group of Krogan dispersed and walked off to places unknown.  Wrex stood in silence a moment, taking one last look at his home before returning to his seat next to Garrus.

 

Garrus closed his eyes, for a moment he contemplated saying a little prayer for his friends but before he could start, he felt his hands begin to tremble.  He clenched his fists to cease the shaking, as soon as he reopened his eyes he was struck with horrific nausea, then it was dizziness and a headache. He hunched over and rested his head in his hands trying to quell the raging storm inside him.  He was fine planetside; calm, collected, fine. Cortez said something about the Normandy; he couldn't make out what, the sound of his own heart beat was all he could hear. Wrex grabbed him by the arm and tugged him upward, he could barely register it, he couldn’t move, couldn’t breath.  His vision faded to black.

  


-Normandy/Shepard-

  


Her conversation with the Counselors and Hackett could have gone better, she spent the entire meeting trying to keep from worrying about Garrus and the others.  She paced back and forth in the cargo bay awaiting their return, her cane slipped on the smooth metal plating and she fell to her knees with a loud thud. She hissed from the pain, Hackett was right, it was still too soon; for a moment, she regretted changing back into her civies. Her cane slid just out of her reach too.  

 

 _Great_ , She thought.  Tali came up from behind her, grabbed her cane and helped her to her feet again, Tali had demanded she be allowed to wait with her for the ground team to return.  “Thanks” Shepard said earnestly.

 

“It’s no problem, you’re not exactly steady on your feet yet”  Tali helped her over to a crate and set her down. “Like I said earlier, you can rely on other people”  Tali sat down beside her and started toying with her omnitool. It had already been four minutes since the last transmission from Cortez, he confirmed they were on their way back but I didn’t stop her from feeling worried.

 

 _God, I’m starting to worry like Garrus_ , Shepard thought.  She let out deep sigh and rested her cane up on her lap.  She needed to calm down, they were probably fine.  Suddenly the elevator door opened, Chakwas and Liara came rushing through the door with a stretcher.  Shepard’s heart rate jumped through the roof.

 

“Did something happen?”  She frantically asked. Both Doctors exchanged a look, Shepard slid off the crate and began to hobble over, trying to look as stern as possible.

 

“There was some kind of incident on the shuttle”  Liara spat out, Chakwas let out an exasperated sigh.  “Don’t freak out-” started to say.

 

“I won’t”  Shepard cut her off.

 

“Cortez said Garrus had some kind of meltdown on the shuttle back, he’s uncounces and his breathing is labored”  Liara stopped and took a breath. “Also, apparently Wrex Strangled him…”

 

Shepard was seething, why wasn’t she informed immediately?  Did they not think she could handle hearing that information?  She was the authority around here. Liara shot a look to Chakwas, she looked nervous.

 

“Commander, we thought it would be best not to add to your stress”  Chakwas said calmly. Shepard silently turned to face the cargo bay opening, a moment later it opened and the Kodiak landed.  The door flew open and Wrex stepped out carrying a very unconscious Garrus, the Doctors went straight to work getting him on the stretcher rushing him off to the medbay, Tali patted Shepard on the back and left with them.  Jack walked past her and nodded before leaving and Vega went straight to work on writing a mission report. After Wrex helped get Bakara and Grunt settle into their bunks, he wordlessly walked over the her and stood at her side.

 

“I lost my temper back on Tuchanka”  Was all he could say.

 

Shepard couldn’t find the right words to express how she was feeling, so she settled for grabbing Wrex and throwing him to the ground, he hit the metal floor with a deep thud and he let out a pained sound, he looked back up at her confused.  “Don’t you ever fucking hurt him again” She said calmly, Wrex’s eyes went wide, with what she could only describe as fear. She left them there, and made her way to the medbay where Garrus was already awake and recounting what happened.

 

_Nothing’s ever easy._


	11. What you know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, I won't bore you with all my life nonsense so just know I was doing some VERY important things!
> 
> *** Hey so, just so you guys know... this chapter has some very vague NSFW content in it***
> 
> (This chapter was inspired by the song What You Know by Two Door Cinema Club.)

-Normandy/Garrus-

  
  


Garrus woke to the beeping of medical equipment and the sound Tali and Chakwas voice.

 

“Thankfully Turians are relatively durable”  Chakwas said sarcastically. 

 

“Yeah, he’d probably be dead by now if he were any other race…it must have hurt a lot”  Tali halfheartedly chuckled.

 

“Yeah, the only thing that was hurt was my pride… and maybe also my neck”  He said while sitting up. He coughed hard, okay, maybe other parts of him hurt too; his lungs felt like they were on fire and his legs were sore.

 

Tali patted him on the shoulder.  “Well, you're not exactly young anymore”  She said sarcastically.

 

“Gee thanks Tali.  You know, your not so youthful anymore either!”  Garrus spat out. Tali stared at him in silence for a moment, he couldn't see her face, but he was sure she had just rolled eyes at him.

 

“So what exactly happened down there?  I mean, other than Wrex almost killing you”  She asked. Chakwas slipped around to the to her side of the bed and began checking his neck, presumably for more signs of damage.  Garrus’ mind flashed back to the mutilated Turians and their uncanny resemblance to the Marauders and Brutes they had fought during the war.

 

“Something horrible”  He said quietly, he brought up a picture on him omnitool, Tali gasped and took a step back.

 

“Keelah…”  She put her hand on her chest and stepped forward, she sat down on the side of the bed and said nothing else.  Chakwas silently went about her work and when she finished, she sat down at her desk. 

 

“They fought us without hesitation or mercy; it was like they weren't even alive, like automated turrets or something”  Just as he spoke, Shepard came through the medbay door, she looked tired.

 

“Hey”  was all he muster.  She limped over to him and hugged him tight.

 

“I'm sorry”  She said.

 

“For what?”  He asked. Tali folded her arms and watched them.  

 

“For sending you down there”  She let go of him and turned to Tali.  “Thanks for keeping an eye on him” Tali nodded, hopped off the bed and walked over to the door to leave, the door hissed open and she turned around for a moment.  

 

“Remember what I said okay”  Tali said, in a hopeful voice.

 

“I will” Shepard responded, she smiled and Tali left the room.  

 

“You don't have to be sorry, you know.  There was no way of knowing what was going to happen”  He grabbed her hand and intertwined his fingers with hers.  She let out a deep sigh and squeezed his hand.

 

Doctor Chakwas cleared her throat.  “Garrus, your free to go, but I would recommend not participating in any ‘activities’ untill the brushing around your neck subsides”  She made air quotes and winked at them both. Shepard rolled her eyes and helped him up and out of bed. She held his hand and led him to the elevator, they stood in silence the whole ride up, he wanted to say something to her, tell her not to worry about him, anything.  But for whatever reason, he couldn't bring himself to say anything at all. The cabin door hissed open and Shepard let out a deep sigh, she walked over to their bed and promptly fell onto it. She had gone from looking tried to looking just plain exhausted, he felt it too.  He slowly removed his armor; every part of him ached, Tali was right, he wasn't a young man anymore. His back popped and cracked as he took of his chest plate, he set his armor down next to the couches and pulled on some loose fitting clothes. He let himself fall onto the bed alongside Shepard, they both laid there for awhile before she finally spoke.  

 

“What the hell have we gotten ourselves into this time?”  She said, rolling onto her side to face him. 

 

“I have no idea, but I'm sure we'll figure it out”  He said smiling. She returned the smile and scooted closer to him, tightly wrapping her arms around his waist.

 

“If we weren't so tired, I'd suggest we'd have a little interspecies intercourse”  She said confidently staring into his eyes, Garrus’ mind went from zero to ten in an instant, he felt a rush of emotions everything from embarrassment to love.  He wanted it, wanted her, but every fiber of his being was screaming ‘No’. She smirked, and pressed her forehead against his chest right under his cowl.

 

“I guess we'll just have to wait till Chakwas gives us the all clear, again”  Jane sighed against his chest. The moment passed but his heart still fluttered with the same intensity, she had always had this effect on him; its a level of love he'd never known until now.  He had one night stands and brief romances in the past, but nothing this stable. He recalled the moment they met, she stood with a pride far greater than the average Human; much like a Turian would.  But she wasn't cocky, she respected authority and treated everyone equally. He had never met someone like her before, she was an oddity even back in that moment. Everything she did was surprising and out of the ordinary to him, she always chose what was morally right, saving everyone she could at the cost of her own safety, he thought she was absurdly selfless for a human.  She was all too willing to help the people around her, squad included. When he came to her about Doctor Saleon, he was certain she would just tell him to let it go, but she surprised him by following through with the boarding of the Doctor’s ship, and even more so when she decided to arrest him instead of kill him out right. At the time, he couldn't understand why she didn't just end him, the Salarian deserved it; spirits knows it was justified.  But she stuck to her morals, and he had to respect that. 

 

Jane shifted against him and promptly fell asleep, he tried to readjust his position but her deft hands clung even tighter around his waist.  It was a losing battle, once she had fallen into a deep sleep, very little could rouse her. He gently snaked his arm under and around her head, cradling it.  These were the moments he lived for, the soft and slow times when they can allot themselves rest, just a few hours of alone time. Garrus’ mind started drifting back to subjects that were a little more adult, it had been so long since that had any time to enjoy themselves.  It felt like an eternity to him, he was like an addict without his drug; it was incredibly embarrassing. What happened to him? When had he become so codependent? He used to be so proud, so strong, a militant but ever so slightly rebellious Turian. Now, half the time he worries like a housewife whose partner is away at war, and the other half he can't stop thinking about laying with her.  Garrus closed his eyes and urged his body to behave itself but the growing warmth in his stomach persisted, after a few minutes trying and failing he finally gave in, he needed to relive this… pressure. He reopened his eyes and looked down at a blissfully unaware Jane, he began to slowly pry her arms away from his slender waist, he was successful but his body protested the movement. He got up from bed and proceeded to the bathroom, if Turians could blush he would be a bright red, he shook his head at the thought.  There was nothing he should be embarrassed or ashamed of, he striped down and turned the faucet handles for the shower to the hottest setting it had. He stepped under the stream water and his aching bones instantly felt a little better.

 

“Aaaah”  He sighed loudly.  He rested his head on the cool metal wall for a moment before brushing his fingers against his pelvic plates.  He sighed again, it felt childish sneaking off to relieve himself in secret but what else could he do, he wasn't about to wake up Jane for ‘Activities’ after the stressful day she had.  But he wanted to, he wanted to stomp back in there, lavish her in kisses and make love to her like it was their last day together. She was basically his Bondmate after all, they should be entitled to a week or so of shore leave every month to focus on building a family, all active members of the Turian military were entitled to time off for spending time with their bondmate, why should they be any different? 

 

He paused a moment.   _ Family, _ he thought.  He was going to be a Father someday, his mind drifted to the implications of such a thing, and various things of the same caliber.  He felt filthy. Hell, he was filthy, no normal Turian would be thinking about such things with a human, he could only imagine the shame his father will inevitably feel when it comes time to tell him.  

Garrus turned off the shower and dried himself off, he was thoroughly spent and he now desperately needed to get some sleep.  But despite his exhaustion, he did feel better, less pent up at least. Garrus redressed and exited to bathroom as if nothing had happened, he quietly walked back over to his side of the bed and crawled back into Janes embrace. He nuzzled her thick curly hair and let himself relax.

 

“You know, your not as stealthy as you think”  Jane whispered. Garrus felt a hot rush of embarrassment wash over him, of course she heard him.  She kissed a soft spot right under his chin and ever so softly shifted herself closer.

 

“So what were you thinking about?”  She said coyly. He was sure she was smirking, he could just feel it.  

 

_ Alright, time to play it cool Vakarian,  _ He thought.

 

“I was thinking about the Thanix Cannon”  

 

Jane let out a hearty laugh, and pressed her face against his neck.

 

_ Nailed it. _

  
  
  
  


\------/-----

 

The cold winter air smelled of pine and and iron, the cold undisturbed snow crunched under his feet.  He was only about a yard or so away from his little cabin now, his evening haul consisted of two rabbits this time and for that he felt grateful, food had become harder and harder to come by after the Reaper war.   _ Reapers _ , He thought.  They were the stuff of legends, stories told around campfires to scare children.  But Legend became reality. Reality was a funny thing, something he; for the last eighteen years, had a difficult time coping with.  But within the last few months, he finally found a foothold, he knew who he was again and came to the great and horrific realization that who he was; by default, was a legend.  It was a case of dramatic irony of the best and worst kind, he had somehow become some kind of cryptid that lives alone in the woods.

 

He arrived at his cabin and was suddenly overtaken by a overwhelming feeling of dread.  His door was unlocked, and his dogs were completely quiet. Under normal circumstances he would have run, hidden somewhere in the trees until the threat passed, or continued to run until he was far past the border and into the safety of the city.  But for reasons beyond his understanding, he reached down towards the doors handle and opened it slowly, inside was a older man with a short, grey, carefully trimmed beard and mustache. He was wearing navy blue military uniform along with a hat, a thick scarf and dark blue overcoat.  And he was sitting in  **his** chair reading a  **his** book, the book he had been writing for the last few years.  He passed the threshold of the cabin and took two steps towards the man, but the man didn’t stir from his spot, instead he spoke.

 

“It’s very nice out here, quiet.  The dogs are asleep in a ship a little down the road, by the way.”  The man said coldly. 

 

He dropped the rabbits, he couldn't say anything, his tongue felt like lead in his mouth.  The man continued without a response.

 

“The book is nice too, well written for someone who didn’t finish their high school education.  In fact, all your books are very well written” The man closed the book with a force that made him jump back.  Finally, he rose from the chair and stood to face him. His blue eyes had the look of pity in them, who was he?  How had he found him all the way out here? Questions rushed through his mind faster than he could come up with answers or explanations for.

 

“My name is Steven Hackett, I’m an Admiral with the Alliance Navy”  The man said, politely offering a handshake. Which he cautiously reciprocated, upon closer inspection of his cabin he noticed the man had apparently taken the liberty of packing his things Into several suitcases.  He quickly retracted his hand and began to panic.

 

“I’m here to take you to a Alliance base in Canada”  Hackett Said curtly.

 

It felt like his heart was going to beat straight out of his chest. 

 

“Y-you can’t, I won’t go with you”  He managed to squeak out, he backed out of the doorway and out into the snow.  The man followed steadily, he felt like running away, he turned to run and the man spoke again

 

“We want to take you to your sister”  Hackett said.

 

He stopped in his tracks.  His sister? That’s right, he had a sister, a twin.

 

“Don’t you want to see her John?”


End file.
